Update

It' been a while since I have written. For my own record I did write down on paper my thoughts on the prayer time at the house and some other things so I need to go back from my last post and pick up from there with my written posts at home and than come back to here. There has been a lot of little things that have happened and I'm not sure if I can remember them all, I just want to try to highlight a few. The money issues have holding steady. For about the past 6 weeks we have not had to borrow from the bill money and have had gas money left over to help with where it might be needed because of the lower gas prices and we have not had to write checks in advance making our bank account in the negative. Tommy had been working for his parents which helped out us and them and was able to keep us in the positive and from having to borrow. When Tommy had that one day missing from work we were even able to stay in the positive than and it is only because of the Grace of God. I have through the weeks still been at peace about Christmas. There has not been any extra money. Last week Tommy surprisingly sold a bunch of weights that we had in our basement and surprised me by saying we were going Christmas shopping that evening. What a blessing that was. I was not at all sure what to buy and was really apprehensive because I didn't want to just buy to buy. We got a few things at Walmart that were on lists and than we went to the Christian book store to buy a cd for our oldest daughter. Tommy had seen a band on t.v. that was an Irish christian punk bank and our daughter loves anything Irish so he wanted to buy that for her. The clerk had never heard of this band, we couldnt find it, the clerk looked and said there should be 1 cd in the store of theres and we did find it. So thank you God for that I believe that God saved it for us which was neat because that was what Tommy wanted to get her and in the past he has never been a part of Christmas shopping until last year when we got back together, we did go with each other and did it corporately. So for him to choose something specific for her was very special. The only other thing that I really wanted to look at was phones for our son and other daughter. Now I was going in there making it clear to them that I did not even really know if I wanted this because we had been burned really badly by our older daughter and she racked up a $400.00 phone bill and other months it had been quite high becuase of phone calls that had been made by Tommy when he was not at home. So I really hate cell phones!!!. Well we went in there and basically the package that had available was buy one of a couple phones and we were able to get 3 others for free. Now we only went in there looking for 2 and we left with 4 and all of them were free. Tommy for whatever reason had a $50.00 credit on his phone, the phone he picked out was a $100.00 phone and we got a $50.00 rebate on top of that. Earlier in the day Tommy's phone had completely fallen apart but he was doing the best he could with it and making it work and mine was really old and not holding a charge and had become very undependable. So I just want to say thank you God for that favor. We never expected for us to be able to get phones for us so that was a very nice surprise and I truly believe that it was a gift from God and that God was blessing Tommy for his sacrifice of selling his equipment earlier that day to provide for Christmas. It truly truly truly was a gift from God. THANK YOU!!! Tommy was able to work the day after Thanksgiving which was triple time when they normally had not been working this and not having any extra days to work and he was suppose to work the weekend which was overtime. He worked Sat but not Sun. because he was sick so he ended up losing the overtime day but we still had the extra from the day after Thanksgiving which allowed for some Christmas money. If it was not for that day worked we still would not have any extra money to spend on Christmas so thank you God for that gift as well. I know that God is providing and I have felt that he would. I know that obviously I was not suppose to get that 2nd job to earn money for Christmas and that I was to completely trust in my God to provide and he is. Normally I do go overboard for Christmas and so this year it has obviously has been very tight and I'm trying to figure out what is the things that would mean the most to people and I thank you God that for my parents which I orignally had said that we shouldn't buy anything for each other because of money and they bought us a dryer anyway I had a ceramic santa clause I had started painting last year and never finished and had another little one that I could paint and I have a cross-stitch that I had been working on for several years and never finished so hopefully I can this year and those will be there gifts. Thank you God for allowing me to have those things. I continue to pray for guidance in my purchases and I continue to pray that God will continue to provide. I still have to buy for our older daughter and a few more things for our youngest daughter and our three nieces and I really wanted to buy Tommy some things and we only have $100.00 to 200.00 left to do this in so God I am continuing to trust in you and belief that it is all going to work out. Thank you for all of your provisions. The other night we had home group and were praying over somebody elses house. Now this is the first time that Tommy has gone and done this. Last time we prayed at somebodys house it was ours and the time before that he didnt go. So earlier that day I had prayed that God would really work in Tommy and break off any feelings of he cant do this, he dosen't belong, etc., etc. I prayed that Tommy would really feel the presence of God and that he would feel comfortable and feel like he is to be there and be used by God. Well we split up and prayed for an hour. I never saw him except for the very beginning and when we came back together as a group we prayed for the family as a whole and Tommy had very specific words that he spoke over them. When we left he told me that he had tried to find me because he wanted me to write down things that were going through his head and he couldn't find me so he got some note cards and went outside and began writing what was coming to him. He said that he went and sat on the fence and was singing, which he does not do, and that words were just coming to him like crazy and that they were very specific and very clear. When it was over he had gone upstairs and put them on the bed for them to have. What a wonderful idea. I would have loved to have that for us when our house was prayed for or a tape of what was said so I thought that was a really neat thing to do. This was a most definitely God moment for Tommy and he had said that it felt like it had when he was in England. Thank you so much for that God because that is what I have been praying for is that Tommy would get that feeling back and know that he is an amazing vessel of God's. Thank you for making it so obvious to him and him making that connection and bringing back memories of how he had been used in the past by you God and I pray that it is stirring something up in him that will just make him hungry and thirsty for you God. Thank you for bringing that back alive Lord. When we left he had even called our leader to tell him about passing out paper to people next time so we could do that. Thank you for answering prayers God. Thank you so much!!!!!. Yesterday our oldest daughter came over to help decorate the Christmas tree. We had waited to decorate it because she really wanted to be there. It again was an amazing evening and was truly a gift from God and an answer to prayers. She came to my work and I took her home and started dinner. While dinner was cooking we got out all the ornaments and all the kids got to hang up their ornaments and Tommy got in on it as well which he does not do and I got to take lots of pictures. Tommy before would get mad at me when I tried to take pictures and would really fight me on this but he was so gracious and allowed me to do this and he smiled and looked really happy and we got our pictures taken together with one another which we dont ever do and after we decorated we all sat down together and watch christmas shows. It was an absolutely amazing evening. It was so peaceful, pleasant, it was truly a prayer answered. No arguing, no fighting. I cant say enough how wonderful it was and how good it felt. Thank you God for again that gift of family time it was very very special and I will never forget it. Tommy had even straightened up the house for me and had it all nice looking, lamps on, tree on, bedroom cleaned. It was very sweet of him and that to is an answer to prayer that he would do things like that around the house to help keep it nice looking and not just sit around and watch t.v. All of these things just mean so much to me and to see these answers to prayers is just truly (I dont even have the words to do it justice to explain how it makes me feel) All I can say is Thank you, Thank you, Thank you a billion times Thank you. Yesterday evening Tommy also had gotton a call from someone who goes to our church and had left a message asking Tommy if he was interested in some part time work. Now this man does remodeling which Tommy knows nothing about. Tommy called him and this man said that when he had been praying that Tommy's name came to him about this and to ask him so Tommy told him what his work schedule is like and that he has no experience and the man said that we should pray about it together and to let him know. So we did that last night. And Tommy's prayer was really good and the one thing that really sticks out in my mind was Tommy asking that he would be used in an important way. That like when we go to peoples houses to pray it wouldn't be yeah Tommy is here to but YEAH Tommy is here and we want him to pray. God thank you that he is seeking you and wanting and asking you to really work in him and he is inviting you to come and do what you have planned for him. And so God I claim that and I pray that for my husband as well. Come and bring forth the plans you have for him and I know that there is some major things that you have got for him and I cant wait to see what you are going to do. So Lord I pray that you do give Tommy clarity about what to do with this job offer and Lord I have prayed that you would provide a job for Tommy that he absolutely loves and does not have to work shift work anymore and have a regular job like with regular hours and that he would be able to see his dream come true by being able to teach and have a school that is very successful. God I dont know what is in store. I dont know if this could possibly be that job. He has no experience so who knows I just pray that your will, will be done. Thank you God for what is right around the corner. Thank you that I am truly believing that I will not be the Spiritual leader much longer at all that Tommy will stand up and take his place as that. I believe it, I believe it, I believe it. When I went to bed last night I could not sleep and had so much coming to my mind that I wanted Tommy to know so I got up and wrote him a long letter telling him and thanking him about last night and what has been going on so hopefully it's still at home and I can keep it to go along with this. Thank you God and Glory and Honor and Praise to you. Amen

Still trusting in God

God I am giving you all my trust in regards to our finances. Both of us get paid tomorrow and I know alreaday that between the two of our checks there will not be enough to cover the amount that I have to take out for bills. On Tommy's check it will be missing on top of no overtime plus a regular day. I leave tomorrow to go to our annual ladies retreat and on top of not having enough to pay for our bills but I also have to pay for my portion of the hotel room and food and gas to get there. So Lord you are the only way and I trust in you wholly. Thank you that Tommy has choosen to tithe and yes the thought just did cross my mind of there goes more money because of him tithing as well. Now I say that to be completely honest and record it becuase I am believing in major breakthroughs in our finances. I dont want there to be any falsehoods about my writing and I want to be real. Even though that thought did cross my mind I am so very thankful that Tommy did decide to tithe and he decided this on his own. I still have not heard anything back from the job that I had applied for so I am assuming that I did not get it. Things look really bad right now. There is no money for Christmas at all and we are short money. So in the fleshly realm things are really bad and very discouraging and could be very disheartening but in the spirit realm I know that God knows exactly what is going on and I know that God is in control. I do have an odd sence of peace which can only come from God. I have not been dwelling on our situation and have not been so completely stressed out that that is all I think about. There is nothing that we can do. Tommy is doing everything he can do by working and looking to see if there is by any chance any overtime which there has not been and working for his parents. I have been working and applied for those jobs to hopefully bring in money for Christmas, but that is not happening so God must have another plan. So it is completely out of our control hopefully and it is in God's hands. He is a loving, trusting, faithful providing God and I know that all things are possible with God. We have no choice but to trust in God. I do feel however that there is something we need to do to help breakthrough this but I dont know what. There seems to be a step back on Tommy's part lately. He has not been speaking about God like he was there a couple of weeks ago and it feels like he is pulling back and continuing to push forward. At one point he was talking to his mom about favor and trusting in God and with the whole adoption conversation and wanting to pray and talking to our homegroup leader. It seems like it has kind of come to a standstill and I pray against that right now in the name of Jesus. I pray that Tommy would continue to push forward and not give up and press in deeper and deeper and deeper. Please God grab hold of him and Lord the words that were spoken to him at the mens retreat I pray that you will bring them forth and truly meet him. You asked him to come and ask of you and to trust and to seek you, that you are there waiting for him. Lord please let Tommy really see you. He has been coming and asking and putting his trust in you. Please let him know your realness. Please God let him see your presence in his life. I pray that he will see answers to prayers he has come to you with. Pour your glory on him. All over him. Cover him completely with your oil of goodness and grace and mercy. I pray for an outpouring over him. Come God in a very powerful way. Move God like you have never moved before. I am asking you God. I am coming to you and praying for my husband and I am lifting him up. I thank you that I have the authority to do this and I am inviting you to please come and change both him and me to truly become the vessels you want us to be and be used in exactly the way you want to use us. I pray that our trials and tribulations are being turned into testimonies that will be used to spread across the nation to any and everyone that needs to hear it. I pray that these testimonies will rise up faith in hundreds of people and draw them closer to you than ever before. I pray for major breakthroughs. I pray that you will continue to speak through Tommy and use his words to bring forth truth and restorations in peoples lives. I pray that he will no longer sit back and watch but that he will rise up and become the leader and teacher that you have gifted him to be. I pray that words of life will pour out of his mouth and there would no longer be words spoken that are not from you but all words will be your words. I pray a breaking over passivity in his live. I pray that he will humle himself and bow down and give everything to you and invite you to come and have your way. I pray that their would be no more just riding the fence post I pray for new. New life, new excitement, new goals, new desires, new loves, new hopes. Please God pour your love over my husband. I pray that he will truly stand up and take the role of spiritual leader of our household. I pray that he will began reading your word and digging into it. I pray that their would not be a stigma over reading the bible. I pray that he would be consumed with the need to read your word and to seek you. I pray that his giftings will not go to waste that they will be used to glorify you and your kingdom. I am crying out to you Lord please hear me. Please come and show yourself in a mighty way in this family. I know that you already have in numerous ways and that I should not be so needy. I feel like I am being really greedy but I know that you want us to be needy for you and be selfish with you. So God I am praying for more of you. I from the deepest part of my heart want so badly to see you manifest yourself in amazing ways in our family. Please come Holy Spirit. Come, Come, Come bigger and better and more than ever before. I am crying out to you God desperately. Please hear my crys!!!!!!!!

Prais Report

I need to write and give thanks to God for things that are happening. There isn't anything major but it definitely is worthy of praise. I don't ever want to take what God is doing for granted.
Tommy has been working at his parents house to do things that they are not able to do and they have been paying him for his time. When he started doing this we were I think last time I mentioned $83.00 in the negative in the check book, well he was able to replace that and put us in the positive of about $28.00. His truck payment is do on Nov. 15th. He is suppose to use his karate money for this and he only had $90.00 some dollars in his account and he needed $140.00 something I think, well he was able to make up that amount so he will be able to pay his truck payment. So thank you God for that because we would have had to take from the bill money which would continue the cycle of being behind and having to continue to replace. Lately I have also been having to take from the bill money because I have needed it for gas at the end of the two weeks. This week I have not had to do that because amazingly I have $15.00 more dollars to last until this friday. And we even went to PA the Sunday before last which used my normal gas money. But with Tommy working he was able to cover that and able to cover gas for him as well. Now it just so happened that he also was able to do this because he was on day shift. Which he very well could have been on night shift and would not be able to work because he would have to sleep. So that is favor right there in itself that God worked out all the timing for him to be able to do this. The work that he is doing is also stuff that he absolutely loves to do. It's landscaping. Now I have prayed that God would put Tommy in a job that he absolutely loves and does not dread going to work. Now yes this is not his real job but I do believe that God provided this work for a short period of time and I can only continue to pray that God will open up doors for Tommy for his full time job and provide something that he absolutely loves. Thank you God for this short time work. An added bonus is that the weather has been really nice for him to work in. There was only one day where it was a little chilly but all the others have been perfect weather. Thank you for that. So these are all little favors that I believe that God has given us and I give him all the glory and honor and praise for them. This weekend while Tommy was working I was able to go down in the basement and clean it all up. Thank you God for allowing me the opportunity to do this. So it is clean for when we have the people come and pray for our house. I dont remember if I have written about this or not, but next wed we are able to have our home group and others come and pray for our house. I sent out a letter to the people that I wanted to invite. This included the pastors that I had met with during the time when Tommy was gone and I was seeking counsel, the church secretary that I spoke with a lot and many different people that either were there for Tommy of me and listened to us and prayed with and for us and I also invited our worship leader who had come to visit our church when Tommy was gone and it was him and his wife who our musicians and work together as a team and when I saw them on the stage I immediately had a WOW feeling of that's it. That is how Tommy and I are suppose to be. They had spoken briefely about their relationship and how it has suffered some hard times and I had actually emailed them right after that asking for prayer about my marriage. Now this is completely unlike me so I am just trusting that God put them in my life for a reason. For hope, for trust in knowing that God is in the job of restoring marriages and making them better than what they ever were before. This is what I sent out to everybody

On October 30th 2004 our family moved into our new house. Just the fact that we were able to build this house was a true blessing from God in itself. The way we came across the land, the selling of our own house, the finding of the builder, the loan process and so many more things that I could continue on with. From the very beginning we had given this whole process to God and had prayed about it step by step. There were so many answers to prayers and so many blessings that you know that it could have only been from God. I had said that when we moved into our house that I wanted to give it back to God and truly say thank you for everything that he had blessed us with. Well, time went on and that never happened. I truly regret not having done this because I believe this has led to our past 4 years becoming very unstable and things deteriorating very quickly within our family as a whole to the point of almost complete destruction. I really believe that we took a gift that was from God and completely took it for granted and opened up doors to allow the enemy to take control. It is time to take back that control and give this house to God like it should have been done in the first place. Our home group will be coming to our house on November 12th at 7:00 p.m. to pray over it and the property. I believe we will start the evening with worship and go from there. I want to see every nook and cranny be completely prayed for and to see our house be cleaned and purified by the Spirit of God. I want to invite his presence to come in such a way that will just truly bless each and every person that will be there. I want everyone to leave there refreshed, renewed and on fire for God. I would like to personally invite each one of you to come and pray over our house. Ther e are so many of you that have been there for us during our trials in this past year and a half that I would like you to be there to share in this time with God. I really want us to come together corporately and give glory to God for his victory. Even if you are not able to make it, we would appreciate your prayers or thoughts during this time.

So I am truly praying that there are going to be some major breakthroughs in our family, finances, jobs, marriage, our daughter, strongholds. I really pray that God comes and does some major cleaning house.

So while I was down in the basement, Tommy's sister had called and we got on the subject of childrens clothes and I knew that I had 2 boxes and 2 bags upstairs in my closet that I needed to bring downstairs before people came over and I had I believe 3 bags down in the basement. So instead of having a yardsale and saving them until next year I wanted to give them to her. So she came by the house that day and picked up both boxes and 2 or 3 bags full plus I took her 2 more bags the next day to church. So the clothes I gave her were an enourmous amount. When she came to pick them up they blessed us with a pizza. Thank you for that favor because I was suppose to make Tommy dinner and was to exhausted to do that so God provided our dinner. So I am so thankful that during these little bits of favor that we were able to bless his sister with the clothes and that Tommy is able to bless him mom with his work which she absolutely loves and truly considers favor for herself because it is a work being done that she had given up on and had watched her dream die away and Tommy is able to bring it back. So thank you for that. So I felt good that day I was working because I was able to accomplish things that I really wanted to get done that day. Our son mowed for us and cleaned up outside for me and so I was able to scratch some things off on my list in my head that I wanted done before homegroup came over. I still am kind of stressing out about it because I go the our ladies retreat this weekend and everyone will be at home so I am afraid that the house will be completely messed up and I only have two days to clean it before Wed. There is a chance that they will be spending the night maybe at Tommy's parents house which would be a huge help. I just really need to give this to God and not stress out about this. This is not about how clean my house is it is about inviting God to come and do his will. I am able to take that day off and clean but Tommy will be home sleeping part of the time so I will have to be quiet plus when he wakes up that means the possibility of taking away from time of cleaning which could possibly stress me out. So God I really give this to you and ask for your peace during this time. I pray that everything will fall right into place. I pray that you will bring the people their that you want to be there.
Thank you God for this weekend to be able to go to the ladies retreat and I pray that you will truly do some amazing things this weekend. Thank you that I get to be on a prayer team to pray for other women. I have wanted to do something like that before but felt intimidated because Tommy's mom was the leader of it and just did not know if it was right. I have never really done anything like this before and I really pray that God you will help me have a clear mind and allow me to be able to hear you and not speak what I want to speak what you want me to speak. Please God I ask that you will meet me and I give myself to you wholly to use me as you please. I pray that I will be a vessel that you can use to reach and minister to others. While I am at it God I pray that you will please be with Tommy and the things that he is dealing with, all the strongholds especially now with who has won the presidential election because that falls right into his extreme views and I pray that their will be vengence in this area. I pray for major breakthroughs and that these strongholds will be completely destroyed. Come God I pray that you will continue to do your work in us and I thank you for the prayers that I received the other night about our family being prophetic and being used in that area and Tommy's old youth group leader who he was close with stopped and spoke that over him on Sunday and I pray that God you will rise Tommy up and that you would use him in mighty mighty ways. Our son did get hit in the head yesterday with a longboard and praise God it was in an area that was the hardest and not in an area like his temple or elsewhere where it could have really caused a major problem. Thank you God for protecting him. We do believe that he has a minor concussion. God come. Your will be done

Continuation

There is always so much to write about. The craiziness continues. Our oldest daughter is now back with Tommy's parents. I got a phone call from his mom on Sat night and she had asked if I had heard from our daughter's old youth group leader. The leader was on the way to go pick up our daughter and take her to the hospital. From what I understand our daughter and her boyfriend broke up and she had been kicked out of the nursing home that she was staying in and that she told the youth group leader that she had contemplated taking medicine to end her life. So I got this phone call at about 10:30 that night and I had just gone upstairs to sit with Tommy while he shaved and we had just been kind of talking about our daughter and I was stating how I believe things were being stirred up and God is working and than I get this call. So I left to go meet them at the hospital. She was seen by the emergency psychiatric person on call and what basically came out of it was that she was going to attend a half inpatient treatment program that is from 9 in the morning until 3 in the afternoon. Where she goes and meets with a doctor the first day and than attends different sessions the rest of the day. This is to maybe last about a week and than she will need to continue with counseling. So she is now staying with Tommy's parents. So God I give this to you. I pray for your timing in all of this and that you will put before her the right people at the right time and I am still believing for that encounter with God and that she will be completely changed and that she will see her destiny come to pass and that God will use her in amazing ways. So today is Thursday and there seems to be no desire in wanting to go and she feels like it is a waste of time. I know that nothing is impossible for God and I know that the favor of God is on her and it will come to pass when the time is right. Earlier on this day which was Sat Tommy and I had gone over to his parents house to work at least Tommy was going to work. I was willing to do whatever as well if needed. Tommy's dad had offered to pay him to do work around his house that really needed to be done. So we went over there and Tommy was outside working for a while and I was inside with his mom and again like I have mentioned before it was a tad bit akward but than we went outside to see what the guys were doing and than began pulling weeds. It was a really nice time. It was very relaxing, we had good conversations and I really really enjoyed our time there. We finished up around 6 and they offered to take us to dinner. So we went out to eat and it went very well. A lot of times when Tommy and his mom get together he really likes to aggravate her and get her all riled up and says things that he knows bothers her and none of that happened. Praise God We had a good dinner. They paid Tommy and offered to pay me for what I did but I turned it down. I wanted to just be there to help and not get paid. But they did give Tommy a little bit more. The next day Tommy had a tournament that he wanted to go to in PA. He really wanted to compete in it but did not because of money. But I am thankful that we got to go. We were exhausted becuase I did not get home from the hospital until after 2:30 in the morning. By the time we got in bed it was 3:00 and we had to get up at 5:30 to drive to PA so needeless to say I was really really tired. But again I am glad we got to go because I know that it is something that Tommy really enjoys and as much as he sacrafices I really want him to do things he likes. On the way home both of us were really struggling just to stay awake so Tommy said to pull of the exit and we took a little break and he took over driving but instead of getting back on the interstate we took a seconday road that is very senic. I love to drive down that road because you go through so many different little towns that are old and it's a beautiful drive. As we got close to home we stopped at a place that has a covered bridge and walked around a little bit and Tommy was talking about getting family pictures done there and coming up with different ways to pose and it was just really nice to hear him talk about that. He had mentioned that we really needed to get our picture updated. It was a really nice stop and I am very thankful for that time together. Last night which was Wed our home group went to a couple's house that is part of our home group and we got to pray over their house. Our home group is starting to do this and I am really excited about it. Tommy did not go which I was disappointed about that but I just need to continue to trust that God will bring forth boldness in him and that he will come to where he is leading these things. I am thankful that he was honest with me and said that he did not feel comfortable about doing things like that and I just said that he needed to just step out because that was going to be part of killing passivity. The exact same thing that our home group leader said when I told him that Tommy was not coming and why. Bring forth boldness God. Next time our house gets to be prayed over. Praise the Lord because I had wanted this to happen when we first moved in and it never did. We get to invited who ever we want to so God I pray that you will give me guidance on who to invite and I pray that you bring the ones there that you want there. I am already stressing out because I feel the need to make sure that everything is clean and orderly and that our basement needs to be completely cleaned before this and how am I going to do this becuase not this weekend but next is the ladies retreat and I wont get home until Sun and Tommy will have the kids that weekend and I'm afraid that when I come home the house will be a diaster and homegroup is on Wed. Tommy will work Mon and Tues night so I could do some of it than but what if I get called for that job and will have to start working by than and I wont be able to do it at all. So God I give this to you and I ask please give me pease about this and I pray that you will work out all the details. I continue to come to you about the second job I applied for and wisdom in knowing what to do and I continue to come and pray about our finances and a breakthrough. Tommy's work has really slowed down and he is not only missing the 1 over time day on Sunday's but he is not working Sat as well which is a regular normal scheduled day for him so he will be missing a day as well. They were told this in the summer that they would not be working weekends and that things were going to slow down and they never did. He missed maybe one day in the summer but there was no slow time. Praise God because we were trying to save money for the trip and God provided. But since the favor has been spoken over us we have really been his and his work has completely slowed down and we are really feeling the effects of it. So you just know that it is an attack from the enemy and I just stand against it right now and declare the favor of God over our lives, jobs, finances, marriage, children. In every area that is was spoken. I really do pray for breakthroughs. As we stand right now I've put the bill money aside for this time but when I went grocery shopping I ended up being -80.00 some dollars in the checking which I will have to cover and that was for this last week. Again no money for this week for groceries. I'm trusting!!!! Last night when I got home from homegroup Tommy had mentioned that he had given a lot of thought to a tattoo that he came up with to cover up the one he has now that is not good and represents the things that he has been dealing with. So thank you God that he has given it thought and I pray that he will see it through and have it done. What a way to kill passivity. To get rid of the one thing that has a stronghold over him. Those things are still continuing to show their ugly face before him. The other night. I'm not sure if I have already written this or not but again on two different channels at the same time, both of the items were being shown. A cartoon comedy show that our son watches was on and they were dressed up for Halloween and guess what they were dressed up as. Both of the things that Tommy is dealing with. It's just really riduculous. Monday again the book they were printing had to do with the life history of one of them. I do not ever remember him printing these books like this before. It just so happens to of course be now. How obvoius. I mentioned this to our home group leader who was the one that met with Tommy and another guy to pray for Tommy about these things and he said the same thing had happened to him about the t.v. show. May the Glory of God come in Power and the stronghold be completely broken in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen

Unbeleaveable

The attacks are coming. One right after the other, right after the other. It's unreal. I need a breather God please. Here's the latest. Tommy has met with 2 people from our home group and opened up completely about the things he is dealing with. That is a really good thing. I felt bad though because he had asked me if I would go with him and I didn't because I did not want to intrude since it was just the guys and it immediately threw me back to where he would ask me to go to the tournaments with him and I would always tell him no. The only diffence is when he came home I was interested in what happened unlike my response when he would come back from the tournaments so I was struggling with a lot of condemnation over that. They (the guys) decided to fast for a couple of days. Again this is really good because Tommy has never done this before. The first day seemed to go o.k. He was only fasting for the time he was at home until his break at work. I actually had a really good conversation with him on the phone about the whole applying for jobs. I have really been having a hard time with this becuase I really dont know if this is the right thing to do. I have been really questioning myself if I am really trusting God or not. I have prayed through this whole process from the beginning and have given it to God to please open or close doors and lead me in know what is right. When I went in to the interview it seemed like it went well. I felt comfortable and the person who actually did the interview I went to school with and so it felt a lot more relaxed, so when I left I felt alright about it. That evening I spoke to my mom about seeing if she could pick up the kids when I needed it during this time period and she did not agree with my decision to do this. She said she would help me but she hoped that I would choose against it. So than it really made me think because she's right. I did not want to leave my kids home unsupervised and not seeing that homework got done and papers got signed. They need me. So here my feelings about all this get stirred up again. I had to go in the next day to fill out paper work and when I did this I did not have the same feeling as I did the day before. I sent out an email to our home group about this and asked for prayer in regards to the job decision. I got an email from our home group leader about reading Genisis 22:1-19. This is about the sacafice that Abraham was willing to do with his son. Now I am struggling with do I take a job if it is offered and sacrafice my time with my family and husband to earn money so I am able to buy them Christmas presents or do I sacrafice not being able to buy my kids anything for Christmas at all. I know that, that is not what Christmas is about am I am willing to do the later if that is what I am suppose to do. Money is not what is important to me. My family is much more important than money could ever be so God what is my sacrafice. What do I do? I have filled out all the paperwork and it looks like I will probably get the job. So do I continue with it or do I turn it down if it is offered. I really need an answer God. So back to what I was saying about Tommy that first day of fasting seemed to go o.k. and that's when I had the good conversation with him. The second day however was really bad. Another episode with our daughter where she came by to pick up some of her things and to leave the key to the car. Well she had gone outside and I remembered about the key and went outside to say something to her. She was not able to get everything and I told her she needed to get it or I was going to get rid of it. And we went back and forth about this a few times and than she had told me she forgot the key. So I said she was to bring it no matter what the next day. While this is happening, her boyfriends sister is the one who had driven her there and was beign pretty nasty and telling our daughter to get in the car. She said this a couple of different times and than of course had to cuss about it. So I just went back inside and left the situation because again I could feel myself getting to my boiling point and could not go there. I decided this is completely ridiculous. She is not going to be able to come by again when it is just me here. She seems to do this to me. When it is only me here I get the phone calls or the visits. So she did call to ask if I had seen her birth certificate when I was going through her things. First of all she needed to know I did not go through her things and have no interest in going through her things. So I procedded to tell her do not call me or come by if I am the only one there. From now on she could only do it when Tommy was there. So this all happened on the second day of his fasting and earlier in the day when I had seen Tommy for a brief moment you could just tell he was in a fowl mood. He had been like that even when I had talked to him on the phone. It just really felt like something was wrong. When I got home and I had to take our son someplace and could only talk to Tommy breifly but what I got out of it was. He was sick and tired of this whole favor thing and he did not want to hear anything else about it. Where the blank is the favor and instead of receiving it all we have received is blank. He's about ready to tell everybody to blank off basically. On the way home from work I was able to have a pretty powerful prayer time and I really am thankful for that because once I got home and saw this knowing something was not right anyway I was glad I was able to pray and lift this up to God. I pray God that you will please allow Tommy to see you in this. I pray that he will see breakthrough and will see that his fasting was not a waste of time or did not good. I truly believe that there is a major battle going on especially in that area that he is receiving prayer for and the enemy does not want him to be fee of it and he will try to do whatever he can to stop that from happening. But guess what enemy? The battle is won. God is victorious!! I am believeing in major breakthroughs and I give God the Glory right now. I pray that you will be with Tommy during this time and give him the strength he needs to perservere. I said something to him this morning about his word that he had given to our home group leader about going into battle and being pushed around and taking hits and not coming out of it without some injuries. So God I pray that you will remind him and continue to speak to him and I pray protection over him right now. Over his mind, his thoughts, his actions. Because after all this yesterday he had called and I had to tell him about our daughter and he wanted her phone number to call her and who knows what was said. So God I pray please in all these areas please God I claim the favor of God. I thank you because things are stirring and happening. I am believing in the prodigal coming home and I pray that our daughter will truly see what is happening to her. Today again was payday and I had to do our bills. This will be the second week that I will have tithed Tommy's money. I had to replace around 200.00 dollars that I had to use from our bill money from last time which took every penny of it and our checking was in the negative of 58.00. So I had to make up for that as well. Tommy has been getting absolutely no overtime at all. Normally he works every other sunday and that is not been happening. So we are getting less than we normally would and this have been going on for probably about a month now. So when I figured out the bills we have 98.00 left for groceries for two weeks. Nice huh. So encouraging. But God I continue to trust in you. I do possibly know of a little bonus I might get within the next two weeks of around 500.00 and listening to everybody else talk it goes to Christmas stuff but for us it goes to pay if it is here in time for my speeding ticket, Tommy's truck payment, groceries hopefully and some more doctor bills that have come in. Now please dont take me wrong. I really do not want to sound like I am complaning. Yes it is discouraging listening to everybody else talk about being able to use it for Christmas things and knowing that is whyI am possibly getting another job because I cant afford Christmas presents and I still cant use this money for that purpose because there is always catching up to do. I really do want to thank you God for the money becuase it will be very helpful to be able to use if for those things because those things are necessary and have to be paid no matter what so if we did not have the money again we would be even more behind than what we are now. I do also want to say thank you God because we got a call from the credit card place and the money that comes out every month has ended and will not be able to be continued. Now this happened last year and it was a really big problem because I did not know that it ended and we got behind on that and the monthly payment was more than what was coming out every month on that special program. After a while they were finally able to get us back on that program and take it out. So when I called today to try to get it set up again they told me they could not do it. But come to find out the monthly payment this time is less that what is coming out now on a monthly basis by 11.00 so it was o.k. that I could not set up this program and I will just continue to pay what was coming out previously. So thank you God for working that out because that could have been bad. Thank you for that favor. I had a really good conversation with Tommy's sister yesterday about all these topics I have been writing about and they are feeling the same exact way. They are being hit hard to. So I know that this is an attack that is hitting multiple people and we have got to continue to stand against it and push forward with the favor God. So God I am continuning to ask please I pray for breakthroughs in our finances, our jobs, our marriage, our family, our children. I pray for the favor of God in ways that we could not possibly begain to even believe or imagine. I am still holding onto the lightning that was on that blog that was written by a recepiant of Grahm Cook's word that was like our word. I wrote about this and I do believe it was for me to see and it was God saying. These our my promises to you. And the lightning has been my sign from God in regards to promises with Tommy and I and here we are together. God answered my prayer and when I saw the lightning each time I had asked God if Tommy and I were to be together and if so please show me a sign and lightning was what he gave me. Thank you so much. So when I saw that picture of lightning on that blog when I was questioning rather or not those words were for us and the lightning that I saw is almost identical to the picture of lightning I have on my blog. I really believe that is God showing me yes these are my promises to you and he confirmed that by the picture. So I hold on to that and I say Thank you so much God for what is to come. Glory and honor and Praise to you forever and ever!!!!

More Good

I forgot to write about this. But Friday I went to go look at an entertainment center at someone's house that was selling it with Tommy's mom. It was a nice trip. It was a little akward but overall it was nice. She graciously took us out to eat on the way back from looking at the furniture. Thank you for your generosity. We did buy the furniture and arranged to pick it up later. This was our christmas present from them. So yesterday evening we went to go get it. Tommy and our son both drove their trucks and we brought it home. We were able to get the items in our house and we ended up having to rearrange our living room. Now in the past when it involves this and decision making of where things go and hooking up the t.v and dvd and vcr and dish it gets very stressful and there is a lot of tension and usually lots of arguing. Last night was amazing. It took a while to get the whole tv thing worked out and I ended up having to call the dish people and come to find out it was only one cord that was wrong. Normally when I get on the phone with them it never goes well and I end up having an attitude with them and get quite irritated with them ending up losing my cool. This time it was so easy and went so smoothly with them. Quickly found out it was one simple cord and got off the phone laughing with them. Praise God. We finally got around to moving the furniture and needing to decorate and move our knick knacks. Tommy was taking those things and putting them where he thought would look good. Again I would take those things he moved and move them again or critize it or not let him have an opionion and my way was always what was done and I had to have the last positioning of the item. Not this time. Where Tommy was putting things was good and agreeable and it was amazingly easy for me to just let it go and let him do whether I agreed totally or not. Praise God. The places he put the items I like and he did a good job. I was able to let go and let him make decisions and have an opinion and did not critizize it. We worked together really good as a team. Praise God. Last night after I had gone to bed, he had come up after a little while and took the time to share with me how he appreciated me and how we compliment each other with me being able to handle and deal with the t.v. items and him doing to moving and other things. He was very sweet and said that he was very lucky to have me and how he appreciated me. The things he said to me meant so much to me and they were very sweet and spoke volumes to me. Thank you God for changing me and working in us and allowing us to come together as a team. Thank you so so so much God. It definitely is a God doing. I give you all the Glory and Honor and Praise. Another thing yesterday we went to Tommy's sister's little girls birthday party and we had gotton on the topic of Christmas and we had come to a decision about the kids drawing names for each other instead of us buying for all the kids like we usually do. Which gets expensive because there is a lot of kids in the family now. And feeling obligated to buy for them. So this is a huge and and we agreed to do the white elephant exchange again instead of drawing names for the adults as well. Thank you God for those cut backs there. Thank you so much for your mercy and grace. I can not say it enough. Thank you

The Good and the Bad

There is never a down time anymore. Things are constantly happening. I don't know if this is good or bad. I am really trying to believe it is good because if so much is happening, the enemy must be scared and is trying to do everything he can to come at us. HE WILL NOT WIN!! GOD IS THE VICTORIOUS ONE!!! PRAISE GOD. To begin with the good. We went to home group last Wed. Tommy seemed in a mood and it looked as if he just did not want to be there or felt out of place. At the end of the meeting Tommy had a long conversation with our home group leader which was really good because it was about the things that Tommy has been dealing with and the things that have been stirring up within him about the extreme beliefs and action groups involved with these belief's. I am so thankful that he was willing to open up about this to him and be honest. Before we went to homegroup that night I was really struggling with the things that are coming against us and I had decided to open up and put it out there and share and make it corporate for prayer. I never got a chance to do that which was discouraging but I am believing it must not have been the right time to share. Friday as I was working I got a call from Tommy wanting to know our home group leaders cell number. He did not tell me anything else about it. Later he had told me that he had gotton a vision/word and that he needed to share it with our leader. Thank you God that Tommy was faithful in doing this and did not just ignore it. The word basically was about getting yourself prepared. When you go into battle or go against the enemy you have to do preparation work. You are not going to go into a battle and think that you are going to come out of it not having received some battle wounds. You are probably going to get banged around a little and might get a bloody nose, so you have to prepare your body and your mind for this so you will be ready for it when it comes. Now he was able to relate all of this to him preparing himself when he goes and competes in a tournament and share it with that analogy. He was feeling that our homegroup has not really covered what we need to do to prepare ourselves or we have not really covered this, we've just been declaring some of the favors we have been receiving. Which is good to declare what God is doing but with all the words that have been spoken over our church, there is going to be opposition and we need to be prepared. For Tommy to speak this and take the iniative to share this is such a prayer answered for me and I pray that God you will continue to use Tommy in amazing ways. He also shared with me that he felt like he knew what his gifting was by being used in this way to teach. He knew that he had seen this in England as well, that God was using him and speaking to him in a way that he could use his gifting for teaching. Thank you God for showing him that and his claiming it. Especially with the way the England trip went, the way that I responded and basically put the fire out in Tommy by being very condeming and judgemental and jealous and just down right nasty. So thank you God that I am not big enough to sink the boat and that you are much bigger than me and thank you that God you are restoring the desire and plans you have for Tommy and in the way you want to use him. I saw our home group leader this past Friday and talked briefly with him about what Tommy had shared and he said that, that was exactly what has been on his heart and that is exactly how he felt. On Sunday at church, our worship leader stopped and spoke from his heart as well that he believes attacks are coming left and right and that he did not know if it was just his family or if it was everybody but they were being really hit and hit hard. He spoke very sternly about this being a battle and becoming prepared to fight and know what is coming from the enemy and being ready to go against it. Basically it was the same exact things that Tommy had the word about and I told Tommy this last night becuase he was not able to go to church yesterday but he had to work the night before. So later he had called his mom and shared this with her. Thank you God for moving and really working. The bad. Friday night I received a phone call from our oldest daughter and the conversation turned to the worst. She was telling me she really needed the money to get the title of the car switched over and I reminded her she needed money on a very regular basis to pay for car insurance and she said she knew and she had that which she has not been getting paid so I dont know how she has that. She said she did and that I did not need to basically try to get it out of her. In the back ground you could hear her boyfriend being obviously rude towards me and speaking about me. The phone must have been on speaker or something because they were all able to hear what I was saying. So I dropped the money thing because I knew that I could not be pulled into their little game. Our youngest daughter had accidentally found some pictures of our daughter that is on the phone and they were not good pictures at all. I had mentioned this to her and told her that she needed to get them out of the house immediately or I was going to burn them. She had not repeated me saying this and you could hear them whispering in the background and so they obviously all had heard me. Things really deterioated and I knew that I needed to get off the phone immediately because I know my limitations and I was not going to be pulled down to their level and go off and lose it by saying things I would regret. So I hung up and the phone immediately started ringing and she tried to call back who knows how many times. One right after the other after the other after the other. Finally when they called back one of them left a message and said it's o.k. Jesus still loves me. During this time I knew the only thing I could do was pray and so that's what I was doing laying up in bed praying and I know that God's peace was with me becuase I was able to put this aside and not get myself completely worked up about it. She in the mean time had called Tommy's work and said Daddy mommy's not answering the phone, like was is he able to do about it. so he called to see what the deal was. Why she would call him at work for this. Which my immediate thought is she is once again trying to get things stirred up between him and me and make me look like the bad person. I dont know if that is the case but I realise it and give it to you God. So the next day I told Tommy what had happened. He got irate and called our daughter and in a loud stern angry voice told her that the car was not longer hers and that she was not to call our house again, his cell phone, his work and that if she did he was going to get a restraining order against her and basically got after her about choosing that kind of life over her family's and standing by letting them make fun of me, her mother the one that has raised her and done everything for her and not doing anything about it and taking a part in it. He than went off on the whole family being white trash and that he had something for her boyfriend and that he will be sorry and that he will be treated like a man. The anger and issues that has been stirring up were coming out and things were being said in regards to these issues and involved the boyfriend. Anger was obviously speaking. I had lost it earlier in the day with our middle aged daughter and took the Lord's name in vane and as soon as I did it, it was like what did you just do. I can't believe it. It was again a trying day and the attacks are really coming at us in all the areas that favor was spoken. The battle is on and I had just started praying and asking God when all this happend Sat afternoon that we really needed to be covered by the armor of God. I was really feeling we needed everything that is spoken in the bible about this. I believe it is in Ephesians becuase yesterday at church all that was spoken to us, the exact thing that really came to me on Sat. Thank you God. I really do pray for the armor of God over our lives. So God I dont know what to do or how to handle this because I have been praying for her to come back and believing that the prodigal is coming home. How can she come home if we have told her that if she calls or comes by she will have a restraining order against her. Our son thinks that was wrong and is worried that she will never be able to come back because she wont have a place to go. I told him she did have a place that Tommy's parents have told her that and she has choosen against that. So God are we wrong in doing this? Is this the tough love we need to do or are we being completely wrong? God we need wisdom please God show us how to handle this and know what to do. I pray God that you will continue to work in Tommy in regards to his issues and even though there was a step back there I know that God is going to continue to move Tommy forward and I am praying and believeing in this stronghold being completely destroyed. Sat evening was an opportunity to go and pray at somebody's house and with the events of the day I knew that it might be a battle to get there in my head because of not being worthy enough because of the way I acted and the things that happened but I went and it was not hard to get myself there and it was really good and I am so thankful that I could be a part of it. Tommy's mom was there and when we were released to go and pray and do whatever she came over to me and asked if I wanted to walk around with her and just be in agreement together. That meant so much to me for her to do that. With everything that has happened between us and I want to say thank you God for that. I actually prayed and did what I felt led to do and said what came to my mind really hoping that I was speaking what you were giving me and I really felt like I needed to do this and just speak what comes to me and trust God and be faithful. This is what I have been praying for that I would have boldness to speak out and for me to do this and pray out loud in a group like this especially around people who have been on the soaking prayer team and are pretty prophetic this was a huge thing for me. Thank you God for giving me boldness and not being embarrased or ashamed or lettings the lies over ride me. And when I was there there was an individual who spoke out and prayed for the prodicals not only in that house but for ones of people who were there. Not again I believe this was from God and God is still showing me yes it is to come. The finances are still not good at all. We have 24.00 to last until we get paid on Friday and we have had to use all the bill money I set aside for bills for this upcoming time to pay so we could cover the amount that was in the negative in the checking account because of having to pay for all the unexpected things like paying the amount for the car which I have written about. So this negative amount is from that post. So it is Monday and God I am trusting that it will be o.k. I can't myself imagine how but it's not for me to guess or try to figure out, it's for me to trust in my God. I still am waiting to hear back about the job applications that I put in for. So God I continue to give that to you as well. Like I said we are really being hit in all areas. I CLAIM THE FAVOR OF GOD!!!!!!!!!!!. I GO AGAINST THE ENEMY WITH THE FAVOR OF GOD THAT HAS BEEN SPOKEN TO US. I dont know what Christmas is going to look like so I give it to you God. Come Holy Spirit!! Come!!!!.

The attacks continue

Well it continues. All I have to say is that God must have something really important for Tommy and I to do because the enemy is really trying to do whatever he can in every area to attack us. As I was writing Friday when I figured out the bills it came to 2.00 left over but it quickly dwindled away from that 2.00 because I remembered that I had to pay 55.00 to church for the ladies retreat, 30.00 for out son's medicine, 25.00 for the county sticker that needs to go on our son's truck so this went to 2.00 ahead to 110.00 in the negative. Now remember praise God this is the week that Tommy choose to tithe. Knowing this information above the thought still never occured to me to not tithe his money. So we wake up Sat morning to go to our daughters game she has to cheer at. We get in the car and it makes an awful noise and does not start. We try again still no luck. My first thought is it is the alternator or starter because the interior lights would come on and the bell was dinging with the door ajar. Tommy by now is extremely agitated and is angry and basicially is upset because this is what he gets for deciding to tithe. He has to take our daughter to the game and I went upstairs and immediately turned on the radio trying to do what Graham had mentioned that when a situation comes up dont pray out of panic or by your emotions but worship him and than pray and end with thanksgiving. So I did this. I turned on the radio and tried to worship and than started praying. It was I believe a positive time. There were a lot of tears but I know that God is in control and that we can do nothing about it except pray. Before Tommy had left he had come inside to do something quickly and our son was in the bathroom with the door open and Tommy started yelling at him for no reason. So he is now taking his anger out on him. Everything seemed to be completely falling to pieces. I prayed while he was gone for a while and I just have to believe that God's presence was there. When Tommy got home he came upstairs and I was finishing up praying and he came over and gave me a hug. We talked a little bit and things seemed to go a little smoother. I asked him if his dad's friend could possibly fix it and he said he would talk to his dad. His dad did come and I went to the grocery store. While I was gone they came to the conclusion that it was the battery. So praise God that, that's what it was and not the other things we thought it might be which would be a lot more costly plus avoided us having to wait to do something on Monday about it when I needed to go to work, Tommy would be sleeping and our son would want his vehicle. So Sunday we left to go to church, Tommy had already had the car jumped and running and had the car seat moved over and had everything ready for us to go. What a good man. He did it all without being asked. We went to church, we were suppose to get our family picture taken and our son was going to meet us there because he stayed with a friend. This is the first time that he would have driven to town all by himself so I was a little nervous. He was suppose to meet us at chuch at 9:30. He did not get there until 10:00 so of course Tommy was irate at this but than our son had called Tommy's dad and said that he was lost and how to get to church. He did leave where he needed to in time so Tommy had settled down about this. Which I had told him was probably what had happened in the first place before he had found this out. It would be o.k. to be upset if he had slept in or was just plain disobedient but he wasn't. I pray God that you would please give Tommy patience. So during church him and our son went to walmart and got a new battery, had them put that in and put in a light that was out that had to be fixed or else we get a ticket and had the oil changed that also had to be done because it was 2000 miles over and I havn't gotten it done because I didn't have the money. So the grand total of all this was 109.00. Now earlier when I mentioned that we were 110.00 in the negative I would have deducted that from groceries for next week plus this week I ended up going about 60.00 over which would go into next week's grocery amount so which means no money at all next week for groceries when on friday I thought there would be. So now here he had to spend 109.00 to cover these charges so as of right now we are about 60.00 in the negative in our check book and 40.00 has been taken out of bill money to cover our sons medicine and the county sticker and I will have to take the 60.00 out of bill money as well to cover the negative in checking. So once again we are way behind and have no money next week for groceries. Now the good thing was that Tommy had an opportunity to talk with his mother about questioning tithing and how he had decided to make this decision and than all this happens. It just figures and it is so obvious because the enemy wants us to doubt and wants to stir up trouble so we wont tithe. So Sunday the check that I wrote with both his tithe and mine got turned into church and all we can do is pray and trust. We were faithful and I know God appreciates that and it is one up on the enemy he did not stop us. Praise God. Sat evening there was a homegroup get together at a barn with square dancing and food and skits that we were suppose to go to and in the morning did not know if we were going to be able to go or not but we were able to because our son was gone and he took his truck, our other dauther had a sleepover for cheerleading which just left Tommy, me and our littlest daughter so we were all able to fit into his truck. It was a lot of fun and I am so thankful that we got to go and it looked like Tommy even had fun. We did not dance becuase that's not his thing but sitting there watching the skits and hanging out with people from homegroup was a lot of fun and Tommy wanted to watch a fight on t.v. that night to that he did not want to miss but was willing to go to this homegroup thing instead. When we left we got home just in time for him to watch what he wanted to. Thank you God that it worked out like that. Sunday after church we went to Tommy's parents house and it was suppose to be us and his sisters and their families but it ended up just being us and praise God we had a really good time and I truly believe that it was God's doing because of the past issues. Thank you God. Also Tommy had received his check for karate which would have been nice to use this to pay for all these things that we had to pay for but it was already spent becuase that was the money we owed him back for paying for our son's behind the wheel so at least we were able to pay that back. The other day Tommy's sister had sent me a link of a word that was given back in 2001 from Graham Cooke and it basically was the same word that he gave our church which at first made you think o.k. God does he just go around and give this word to everybody but in it was an explanation about him receiving this word and holding onto it for 2 years before he felt like he was suppose to speak it and that he only goes and speaks it where he feels led to. Which made me feel better about this but along with this at the top of this blog that it was on there was a picture of lightening. Very similar to the picture that I have on my screen savior and that I have on my blog. When I was talking to his sister about this word it kind of dawned on me that God had given me promieses when Tommy was gone 3 very different times and each time they were represented by lightening and lightening was a theme throughout his whole absence and even since than so when I looked at it on this blog I was reading it basically just spoke to me that God had again me us promises about favor over our family, marriages, finances, jobs, prodigals and I dont believe it was a coincidence that there was a picture of lightening. I believe it was from God to reassure me Yes I have made you a promise and lightening seems to be God's sign to me about promises. So thank you so much God for that. Also thursday and friday evening our oldest daughter had called to warn us that we might get a call from her boyfriends mom which I have already written about well she and her boyfriend ended up staying at my mom and dads house which I am really surprised she did. I think I have already written about this as well. I talked to my mom about this last night and she said that she felt like this was one more chance to do or help in some way so Sat night our daughter and I guess her boyfriend left my mom and dads house and I think are supposedly living at that so called nursing home. So my mom said she tried to talk to them about their life and what they were doing and choices they were making, she gave them some godly books to read and she witnessed to them to no avail because once again she choose her boyfriend over family and making her life better. My mom mentioned that his mom wanted our daughter to sign some kind of papers who knows what that may be and she told her not to but I can't imagine his mom letting her stay there not having signed anything. So this potentially could be very bad for our daughter which my guess is the case. I am believing that the time is coming closer were she is going to have that encounter with God. I am knowing that she is coming back. Please God protect her and I pray for a continuence of upheavel in her life and complete misery and that the light of God will shine down on her and draw her back. The other morning I woke up and felt like I needed or should read in the bible. The word 1st Corinthians popped into my head 1-8. So I thought I would turn there to see what it said. Within this was a divided section that is entitled Thanksgiving and it says: I always thank God for you becuase of his grace given you in Christ Jesus. For in him you have been enriched in every way in all your speaking and in all your knowledge because our testimony about Christ was confirmed in you. Therefore you do not lack any spiritual gift as you eagerly wait for our Lord Jesus Christ to be revealed. He will keep you strong to the end, so that you will bel blameless on the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. God who has called you into fellowship with his Son Jesus Christ our Lord, is faithful. Last night I wanted to read in his word and the first thing that popped up into my mind was Malichi. Now at night I have a really hard time reading becuase I am usually so tired and I end up dozing off and can never finish what I start reading. But not knowing but the book of Malichi is really short and I did start dozing but each time it was as if something was waking me up and enabling me to continue to read which usually does not happen I'm usually not able to finish what I start. Now this book had a lot to do with robbing God and talking about tithing and being faithful. I dont believe in coincidences like I have said before I believe God led me to this and I believe that God is speaking and moving and even though things dont look good here in the flesh I know God is doing a new thing. Also here at work I have been having a really hard time since the middle of last week. I just feel a spirit over me that is not good. I dont talk to anybody. I keep to myself and it just has not been happy and I do not feel good about being here. I truly believe that it is an attack against me here as well because this was one of the works spoken that there would be favor over our jobs and that we would be so full of favor that nobody would be safe that even the person standing beside us in the grocery line would be affected because we were so full of favor that it would pass on to them. This is what I want and how can I be this way if I act like this at work where I am completely seclusive and dont speak or socialize. How can I possibly allow the favor of God to be in me and come from me if I act like this. I dont want that I want to be used by God to do what he wants. I want to be able to pass out favor and spread it and share it. I want to be able to give it away. There is a talk about going to peoples houses and praying over them for favor. I want to do this. I want to be a part of that. How can I if I am not exercising Godleness and being unsocial and unapproachable. I want God to work through me and use me to go out and share his good work in what he has done in my life, my husbands, my families, our finances, our jobs. I believe this for both Tommy and I that we are to be used together as a team to reach out and minister to others. That's what i truly want. Please God forgive me for my attitude. So today when I left to go get the county sticker I just felt like I needed to pray bad about the spirit that is over me and I pray that it will be broken. I prayed that there would be favor over my job over my place of work. I prayed for the individuals there and asked for forgiveness for any kind of judgemental attitude that I have had. I declare all these things to be broken in the name of Jesus Christ. I do not want them and I do not want them to stand in the way of what God wants to do. So there just seems to be so many areas that we are being attacked in. I can see God throughout this process but it seems like it is coming at us non stop. Sat. I prayed for the armor of God to protect us and that we would be shielded from these attacks and I just ask God for them to die down. I pray for a reprieve. I do thank you God for the things that are being stirred up though with all these thoughts that I keep having at work and attitudes that keep popping up becuase I believe that God is showing me these things so that I know what needs to be dealt with. Thank you God that you are working. Please continue to do what you need to do. As I write this I thank to myself everybody here maybe wonders what I am doing when I am typing so constantly, maybe they dont even notice but I think if they do maybe one day if I got brave enough I would email everyone this link and they could read it. They would probably be bored but it could help them see and know you God in a different way. I did wonder about reporting the place that our daughter is at. So I decided that I would try to find the address of it here at work off of the internet and if I was able to easily I would call and report it but if not I would just leave it as is because I did not want to drive by there to get the address of the place becuase I did not want anybody to see me. So I was not able to get the address so as of right now I will drop it and leave it alone. God please come I pray for peace in my mind, I pray for your will to be done in my life and in my marriage and in my family. I love you God and I am so thankful for you. Come Holy Spirit I invite you to come.

God is stirring

My oldest daughter called the other evening warning me that her boyfriend's mother might be calling me that my daughter had left where she was at this job that she supposedly has been working at but not getting paid for it because she is basically covering for the mom and is being used to do everything so the mom does nothing. She has been traped where she is at and is being completely controlled. Well her and her boyfriend left 2 days ago and dont have a place to go. The first night they stayed at some guys house and the 2nd night she called wanting to know if she could sleep in our basement. Tommy told her no and that maybe she should call Tommy's mom and talk to her. She did this and was told she could stay there but there were rules that needed to be followed and that the boyfriend was not allowed to be a part of them. So our daughter choose against this option and we have said the same things to her and she choose against that as well. So my parents came to the rescue which I wish they would not have but I dont think they helped her at all by doing that becuase they let both of them stay there last night. Things are definiteyl happening though. Since those two men came and spoke at our church things have really started moving in this area so I am truly believing that the prodigal is going to come back. The word was the prodical was going to come back. They were going to be the person we had hoped they would be. They are going to come home with a purpose, with a destiny, and they are going to know God in a very specific way because they are going to have an encounter with God. I dont know how it's going to look like or what it is going to be like but I do believe it is going to happen. I can't tell my mom and dad what to do but I know that God is bigger than all of us and that God can & will intervene. I pray the favor over this family. Also off and on I have been praying that Tommy would have the desire to tithe his portion of his check. He has done this off and on throughout our marriage but when things have gotton really bad between us he stopped doing it. Now I have been tithing my portion ever since he left. And even when he came back home I continued to just tithe my portion so I have been praying that God would speak to him about this and he would change his mind. I've never said anything to him about it and never questioned him so today out of the blue I was on the phone with him and he had mentioned that last night while I was praying for our situations he started thinking about him not tithing and today he said that maybe he should start. Praise God. This is truly an answer to prayer and it is truly a movement of God. Thank you so much God!! Last night I really felt the need to pray and pray immediately which may not have been good because Graham had said it's not good to pray out of panic of fear or pray by our emotions so we had ordered pizza and when I was thinkng this our food arrived so I didn't go immediately which gave me time to cool down and not be going by emotions. When I had finished I told Tommy I was going upstairs to pray and was hoping he would come with me and he did not at first. So I went upstairs and just kind of waited in silence to see if he would come and just take that time to thank Jesus. He did come up and we sat there and kind of talked about this and than the phone rang and it was for me so there was another distraction and then finally got around to praying about an hour after I wanted to originally. Today Tommy mentioned again about the possibility of adoption. Now this came out of know where the other day at his parents house. When he was talking about it today I said something to him about never having really heard him say anything about this before and didn't realize it has been on his heart since he was little. From there he told me that no he never did say anything about it before because his thoughts than were why would I want to bring another child into this family when there is always so many problems between us. There really has never been a time where it has been right between us and he was saying that even when he came back home this past time that he did not trust me and that he wanted to do what he could to show that he had given it his all. That he really did not know if it was going to work out and that just like in the movie the vows that were made were not to each other they were to God and that obviously was a determing factor in his decision. Thank you God that you alone brought Tommy back and thank you that you never left him or this situation and that you were always there. He said that he believes that we are past all that now and that things are good and on the right track. Praise you GOD!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you for saving my marriage. Thank you for what you are doing and I wrote the tithe check today and pray that God you will bless Tommy. I pray that you will build up his faith in you and that he will truly know and see that he made the right decision by doing this. Today was the day that we got paid and remember that I had the money to replace from paying off Tommy's ring and the other money that we had to use for gas and than had to replace money in the checking that was negative becuase of not having enough and it was not used in a reckless way. Than today was the day he chose to do this which does take a big chunk out of what we could have used to cover this other areas but God I would so much rather give it to you and put my trust in you. So when I did the finances today I figured it all out and covered all the amounts I needed to cover and wrote all the checks that I needed to write including this new tithe amount and when it was all said and done there was 2.00 left to last until 2 weeks from now when we get paid again. This covered everything we needed to pay including groceries. However when I was at the bank it occured to me that I needed to write a check to church this week for the ladies retreat which is 55.00 and I owed our son about 20.00 and that I did not budget money for extra gas for the vehicle that our son is driving and than on the way back it hit me how in the world are we going to have any money for christmas. Becuase any extra money we might possibly have would go for that and with us now doing extra for tithe there will not be any extra at all again and it is Oct 10 and there is not that many days until christmas. What in the world are we going to do. How are we going to have the money to do this. How am I going to be able to explain to the kids I'm sorry but you may only get one thing and than we have our youngest 2 daughters birthdays in December as well. So it really started coming down hard on me about how are we going to do this and I really do not know and all I can do is trust in my God and know that he is with us and that there has been favor spoken over our church and each one of us so that's where my trust is at. It's in God knowing that he made a promise and that I claim the favor of God over our lives. I truly believe he is already done so much and already showing it by what he has done in my life and Tommy's life and in this marriage. He has shown it by the things that are happening with our daughter and prayers that are being answered. Thank you God. This week God allowed the money to be there to cover those areas that needed to be covered and yes we had enough left over to buy groceries for both weeks until I started thinking about the money for ladies retreat and our son and gas and than thinking o.k. great there goes groceries again for the second week because I will have to use that money to cover these things but I will not worry my faith and trust is in God. Also when we sat down to watch t.v. a little bit Tommy turned it on the history channel and what what on but no doubt the racist issue that he is trying to fight and it's about the life of a certain individual that goes back to being related to him and again today he turned to something not know what the show was going to be about and of course it was about that again. Enemy you will not win. You will not prevail. I come against you with the favor of God and declare those attacks to be completely intercepted. I declare the blood of Jesus over Tommy and declare that this battle is already won by God. I just want to say Glory to God for everything. I continue to ask Come God Come!

Jam Packed Weekend

There is so much that has happened that I just need to write down so I can remember and it really is all very random. I cant remember what I have already written about. I believe I have already mentioned the truck that Tommy bought. Again thank you for that blessing God and I will continue to trust that it will work out and that the money will be able to be there to pay for it. His karate class is what is to take care of it and he needs to keep a certain amount of students in order to do it so I'm just praying that, that will happen. That night that Tommy got the truck we went out to eat with his parents for my birthday. Now it is still strained between us because of all the stuff that has taken place with our oldest daughter and things that were said between us to one another. So a majority of the time when I am around his mom, it is very awkard and there is not a whole lot of conversation. This night was not to bad, we were able to talk and she moved down to where I was and it was casual and very much on the surface about things at church and day to day items. When we talk about church it seems more comfortable and there are things to say but than theres not much else after that. She had asked me if I was going to the Ladies Retreat and I told her yes. She wanted to know if I would be willing to be on the soaking prayer team. I was amazed and very excited about this invitation. I in a way have always wanted to be a part of the team at church but just never felt like it was right. And than when things happened between us it was really bad and she saw some really ugly sides of me and so I know that there would never be a way that she would want me to do anything like that because of seeing me like I was. Now I know that, that is not true and it's something the enemy wants me to believe. So when she asked me it was like WOW! REALLY! Now I have never done anything like this and I told her that I never had and her comment was, was I at the Ladies Retreat last year which I was, than you have done this. We broke up into small groups and did exactly that. So thank you God that she stepped out in faith by asking me and I pray that God you will be with be because I already pray a lot about not being a good speaker and never knowing what to say and always stumbbling around with my words or being at a loss of words and being discouraged about my own prayer time a lot. So God you will have to be there with because you are the only way that I can do this. I pray that every word that comes out of my mouth would be from you and would be clear and understandable and full of truth and life and love. I in the flesh want to be kept completely out of it. But that really meant a lot to me. She had also mailed me my birthday present which was money. Now as you know I had to use bill money to pay off Tommy's ring that I bought so my first thought was I will just replace it with this. And of course in a way I was disappointed because I would like to buy myself something for my birthday but I would rather replace the money. When we went out to eat she had asked if I had gotten her card and told me that I was to use it for me and nothing else and even on the check she wrote to be used for me. So than I felt bad about wanting to use it to replace the money so I thought alright I will use it for me. So on Sat I went to the Goodwill to go shopping. When I went to get my money 20.00 of it was gone and I knew that Tommy must have taken that but I knew he probably needed it for gas or food. I was hoping to go shopping and than use the rest of it to buy necessities that we needed like dog food, laundry detergent, things like that so I was like great wont be able to get all that we need but I knew Tommy must have needed it so it was o.k. I went in and went shopping and was able to find 4 or 5 really nice shirts and that was all. So I did have money left over and we were going to Tommy's sister's little girls birthday party and I really needed to get her something. So I used some of the money for that and than was able to buy a few things we needed. I just want to say thank you God for the things that I have found in the Goodwill. It is discouraging to have to shop there all the time and not be able to go anywhere else because you cant afford it like I see everyone else do but God you have allowed me to find some really nice things and I dont want you to think that I am not grateful because I really really am. Thank you God. I do appreciate it. So we went to the birthday party. Now once again this could have been really akward because of all the stuff that has happened between Tommy's mom and me because a lot of it was things that I have said about his sister. So along with trying to repair and make things right with Tommy's mom I'm doing that as well with his sister. So here I am going to this party with just me and my two youngest daughters because Tommy is at work and my son is at home getting ready for homecoming. The party was very nice and it was not akward. I give all the glory to God. I know he has done so much work in me and God is truly restoring these relationships. Thank you God. I have been praying that all the relationships that have been broken and seriously hurt will be completely different and unlike they ever were before just like I have prayed for my marriage. I've been praying for new beginnings in those relationships as well. Which seems to me a reoccuring theme within this year which this year happens to be the year of new beginnings. It is so amazing how God works things out and how God shows up and reaffirms his existence. Thank you God. Sunday Tommy did not have to work even though he was scheduled to which money wise it would have been nice if he did becuase there goes the overtime but he was able to go to church and I would much rather have him at church than have the money even though we need it. The sermon was really good and the topic they have been speaking on is faithfullness. The one speaking Tommy likes so it makes it easier I believe for him to listen. At church someone had come up to me and said that I need to go see the movie Fireproof. She had seen it the night before and that it was about marriages and I needed to see it. That was all that was said. After church we went unexpectadly to Tommy's parents house for lunch and his two sisters and families were there. Once again it went really well and it was not to akward. Only because of God. Tommy was affecionate with me which I am so thankful for especially in front of his parents with them having known everything that we have been through so for him to be openly affecionate with me meant a lot to me. I told him about the movie and mentioned that I would like to see it. So a little later even though I could not really tell him what it was about and it not being a movie that he would want to see he asked if I wanted to go. This was neat because this all happened in one day with me finding out about the movie and than being able to go see it that day. Which of course we had to use bill money to cover this. Also while we were at his parents house he had mentioned out of the blue about wanting to adopt or use to wanting to adopt a child. This just completely came out of no where. We went to the movie and All I can say is OH MY GOSH!!!!!! If there was ever to be a movie written about Tommy and I, that was it minus a minute amount of details. I was able to relate to both sides because I have personally been on both sides. I sat there and sobbed almost the whole entire time and when it was over all I wanted to do was get up and yell THANK YOU JESUS!! The ending of the movie is the same ending that I have been praying for and truly envisioned happening. My prayer is that Tommy and I will renew our vows in front of the church body with somehow/someway our testimony being shared and being used to heal, strengthen and restore others. I want so badly to be able to share our story and declare what God has done in our lives. My fantasy of our ending was like I said, renew our vows, take communion, baptism, and share this with everyone to show God’s faithfulness and build others faith by knowing, seeing, watching and walking through this with us knowing who we were than and seeing who we are now. Than having a major party and celebrating with God being the guest of honor. It was very difficult to watch and go through but it was amazing. Tommy said that he did not like it and made a few comments about the way the woman was which were obviously comments spoken from someone that has been hurt and through this and were defensive comments but I really believe it moved him. Later that evening we were sitting on the couch and I think the girls were in bed and our son may have been to, I asked him about the adoption comment and wanted to know if he was serious about it. When I asked him that question the girls were still awake because he was only able to answer in between interruptions. So later when they were in bed Tommy and I had an absolutely amazing conversation with one another. Sorry earlier in the day on the way home from the movies Tommy opened up about some things that he has been dealing with that have to do with racial issues and groups that are involved. He got more involved in these when he left and I truly believe that things are being stirred up in him about these things. He mentioned that he was trying to be good and he was watching tv and on one channel one of the groups were on there, the night before that he was watching and the other group was on there and he refrained from watching either one. Praise God. Also at work he is printing a book and of course it has to do with one of the groups so he thought o.k. I dont need to really look at it all I need to do is look at the page numbers but than his boss had to leave and he had to do his job which is looking more throughly into the book. It is so obvious that the enemy is at work and knows Tommy is trying to get away from this and does not want to make it easy for him. A couple of weeks ago he had mentioned these issues at homegroup and did not go into any detail but did ask for prayer which for Tommy was a huge step. So the enemy is afraid and is trying to do what he can to make it hard and I just want to stand against that right now in the name of Jesus and declare that God is victorious and that these issues will be destroyed by the power of God. But Tommy opened up to me about this which was also a huge step for him and I say thank you God and I pray that God will continue to intervene and lead us to where Tommy will be delivered from these things. Back to the couch. We sat on the couch and talked for a while and he just really opened up about his thoughts on adoption and we just had a really good conversation and when it seemed to end he asked if I wanted to pray. Thank you God. I was going to ask him that night before we went to bed which is usually not good because he tends to drift in and out but he on his own asked me if I wanted to pray and he prayed. Thank you so much God for this. It truly is an answer to prayer for me. His prophecy tape spoke about coming to you and asking. That all he had to do is ask and that you would be there God. He is coming and he is asking so God I pray that you will truly allow him to see your presence. Please God please. There is so much happening and I just pray protection over Tommy and pray that nothing will be able to stand in the way of you and him. So about the adoption thing God I need you to speak to me about that. If it is truly his will and desire to do this and God you know that it is right I pray that you will give me that same desire. I pray God that you will show us what is right to do. I still come to you about our finances and pray that God you will some how some way allow the money to be there to cover the money we have had to use once again digging into next weeks pay check alreay. Please God I pray for a break through in our finances. I pray for an abundance that we will be able to get out of debt and will be able to pour into others lives. One thought that had come to my head was that I wanted to buy that movie and give it to the couples in England. Who knows. God if you want me to do that I pray that it will be done. I come right now and ask God that your favor would be over us and I thank you for everything that is happening. Thank you so so so much.

Jam packed weekend

Update

Well, the week has passed and here is how it has unfolded. Tommy had his seminar with the karate people and we were responsible for taking them out to eat afterwards. There were 5 of them. Now this was one of the money issues that I knew was upcoming and was worried about. Tommy's dad was gracious enough to pay for everybody. There were 10 of us altogether. So let me just say. Thank you so much because with even just them 5 and Tommy and I it would have been quite expensive. I was able to do the bills and cover the amount that I had to borrow from the previous bill money and set aside this weeks bill money. We had our son's driver's ed money that was due. Tommy had asked his dad about borrowing money for that and repaying him with his karate money when he got that. So thank you God that, that was an option and that our son is able to do behind the wheel right now. The other thing is the ring that I bought Tommy for our anniversary. Now yesterday was our anniversary so I wanted to have it to give to him. When I had made the purchase I had put down $50.00 of it thinking I would have the rest by the time I needed it. I didn't. So I thought about financing the rest of it which was only 96.00 so I could go ahead and pick it up and have it. They wouldn't finance such a little of an amount. So I did have the bill money set aside from this past week which I really did not want to use because that means that once again I have to replace that with next pay checks bill money which continues to put us behind. I didn't have a choice though and luckly I did have it available to make this decision. So I paid for it in full taking 100.00 out of bill money. This was one of my money concerns from last week and this is one that I haven't seen anything happen but I'm still believing that it is going to be o.k. Another one was the Bridgewater yardsales. I did not have the money for that either because by the time I figured out the bills there was only 30.00 left over. So I made the decision to ask my mom that for my birthday present if she could just give me money for the yardsales. Again it's pretty discouraging that I dont even have enough money for a yardsale. And wow what a present for me when what I am buying is for my daughters and whomever else I find for. But I just want to say Thank you that this was an option and I could do this. So I went to the yardsales which by the way it had been pouring down rain before I left and rained off and on while I was there. When I got there, it was iffy on whether or not they were even having it but they were. It definitely was not like they usually do. So I did not find and come home with lots of clothes for Skyler like I usually do. Now my mom had given me 50.00 for my birthday and I spent 40.00 which I usually spend 100.00. I got a few things for my daughters a set of sheets, a basket and I did get myself 3 shirts and 3 pairs of pants which I usually never find anything for me. So thank you God for that gift of being able to find at least something for me and enabling me to be able to go to the yardsales and get what I got. I am appreciative of what has taken place and the way it has transpired. Even though I would have liked to have a present for me and God knows this I am very appreciative of the fact that I got to go and for what I got and God enabled me to find something for me. The financing did not work out so I just got to believe that God's hand is in it and that it is going to be o.k. and work out in God's timing. Now I prayed about each step yesterday. I was able to get off of work at noon. My plan for yesterday was to dress up nice for Tommy and make him a special dinner and set the table with a tablecloth and candles and have the house clean. So I did not have anything nice to wear because I dont dress up. I had 9.00 left over from going yardsaling so I went to the Goodwill to see if I could find anything that would be nice. Now this could be a hit or miss situation. I prayed before I went in hoping that I could find something. I did. Praise God. I was able to get a nice black velvety dress that fit very well. The dress was 3.68. So Thank you God for that. Next I had to go to Walmart to buy the groceries that I needed for the dinner and I knew how much I had left in checking so I couldn't spend a lot. I was also on a time frame here because I needed to still go get the ring and get home, get a bath and shave and get all cleaned up and clean the house quickly, paint my nails, do my hair and makeup, decorate the table and make dinner, get my daughter from her babysitter and do this before he gets home at 6:30. So I prayed before I went into Walmart to do my shopping. It went rather smoothly. I was able to get everything that I needed even an ingredient I did not think I would be able to find. I was in the right isle and people were working in that isle and when I asked they led me right to it. Thank you God for all the little things. So I was able to get everything except one item that I did forget, I was able to find a pair of earrings and hose and spent around 55.00. Which was not to bad. I than went to get the ring and on the way home I did remember that I had forgotten to get a card so while I waited to see if they could finance the ring I went to food lion and bought the card. As I said earlier they couldnt finance it so I had to pay for that with bill money. I did pray about all this before I went in so I am believing that it is in God's hands and that it will work out. So I went home made the dessert, started straightening up and cleaning and when my one daughter got home from school she helped me out tremendously by cleaning. I went upstairs took my bath. Did my makeup and my hair, Went to the grocery store again to get that one item that I forgot. Now when I left to go to the grocery store I went out to my car and got in and right in front of me was a big rainbow. Now it had not been raining where we were except for a drizzle here and there. I dont believe it was even enough to make the grass wet. So I am not going to analyze why the rainbow was there because of the weather conditions. I am believing it was there for me. Rainbows dont usually last very long and I have been over the past few day praying and asking God to please let me see him and hear him and know that he is hearing me and just for an encouragement to keep me going and to let me know that yes God is still there. Well I believe that this was from God because how likely would it be for me to go outside and see this when it was probably was unusual that it should be there in the first place. Now lightening seems to always be my symbol. So this was different and questionable. But like I said I am not going to analyze it. I am just taking a step of faith and believing it was a sign for me. I dont think it was a coincidence. So I went to the store, picked up my daughter from the babysitter and right now it was .5:00. I still had to paint my nails and make dinner and get dressed. I also still had to right in the card I bought. So while my nails dried I wrote in the card and was able to finish the rest. Now I did not get dinner finished by the time he got home but it wasnt long after. I was dressed and in the middle of finishing cooking when he got home. My other daughter had to go to cheerleading practice and I was suppose to take her to that at 6:30, but luckly my mom did that for me. I had the table all set, candles lit, the card and present on his plate. I believe his was surprised to see me like that. My prayer was that it would bless him and show him how much I love him. During dinner he did not have a whole lot to say and was really quiet. It was kind of akward. He had put the ring on and did keep looking at it. I really did not know what to think. He did thank me for everything that I did and said that he really liked the ring. Afterwards I had to leave to go get my daughter from cheerleading. I walked out got in the car and what did I immediately see? Lightening. There was no storm, they were not calling for a storm that I knew of, it was not thundering. It was long enough for me to see it and start to drive down the road in that direction and than I did not see it anymore once I turned away from that direction which even though I was not going in that direction I still would have seen something. So I had just started praying when I got in the car and than saw this, so I immediately had to say thank you God. Again I have to believe that is was from God. It's stepping out in faith trusting and believing that, that was God. Again I do not believe it was a coincidence. This time it was the symbol that I believe that God normally uses with me. So I know that God is with me and that God was with the evening. I know that God will work out the finances. I believe the God allowed all of this to fall into place. I had been thinking for a long time about getting him that ring. Probably 4 or 5 or more months ago. I just never did anything about it and never really felt an urge to at that time. It was just on my mind off and on. So when Tommy went to Vision Quest that opened up the perfect opportunity for me to go look and take his old ring with me so I could size it and not have him know about it. Before I went to go look I had prayed about it and asked that God would help me know if this is right and about the cost of it. I did not think that it was going to be as much as it was so that was a determining factor and to help me know which ring was right. When I went in to look I was shocked by the price but found a couple that I liked and was debating between. That's when I decided to purchase it and put down money towards it, thinking that I would be able to get it paid for. So this whole process has been given to God I prayed about it from the very beginning and I continue to pray about it. God has worked it out timing wise I believe on when to give it to Tommy and worked out my whole day yesterday and allowed everything to fall into place. Plus he gave me not one but 2 signs yesterday so I give all my praise and thanksgiving to God right now and say thank you God and I trust and believe and know that it will all work out. I will not doubt and I will not question. You are a faithful God and I am so grateful and appreciative for everything that you have done in my life and in my marriage. I am so thankful for all of our provisions. And I truly just want to say thank you. Another item that was a money concern was about how to handle my birthday and anniversary when it came to saying what money we have or dont have for him to spend. I never said a word except for what I did with the bills and where we were. There was no telling him what he can do or not do. He did not even ask. I kind of assumed that he had already had his karate money and was going to use that but he didnt. So Sunday is when he did not go to church because he said that he needed to do things for my birthday. When I came home from church he had gone to the grocery store bought chicken and peas and corn and a birthday cake and a card and candles. He had heated up the chicken, had the vegtables cooked and everything set on the table. He had my card and a picture of our wedding photo on the table. What he wrote in the card was words that I truly will treasure. They were words that were from the heart and words that I could have only hoped to hear. He had mentioned that he had not bought my present yet and so I guess that day covered both my birthday and our anniversary. I had been back and forth about not having a present from him and trying not to think that this was similar to before but it's not because the words that were in that card and the thought that he put forth of what he did means much more to me than any present. So thank you God. I love you God and I just want to say thank you for everything.