It has been a while since I have written on here but I have done some writing at home. So as a reminder this is where I would need to go and look at my home journaling from where I left off last. Well so much has happened. We did make it through Christmas. God provided! I did not get a job and we were able to buy christmas presents for everyone we needed to, and some of those christmas presents were presents that were given to us and we were able to pass on. Such as $50 from my grandad went to Courtney. $50 American Express gift card to me went to Courtney. Gift from work was able to be used in Chinease gift exchange. We got 4 new phones for free from the package they were offering and after rebate. Tommy worked one overtime weekend through the holiday which enabled us to have a little extra for christmas. We definitely did not buy like we have in the past. That was not an option. It still was very limited. I had ceramics at home I could still paint for my mom and dad. So we really only had to buy for the kids and nieces. That was by the way the only overtime Tommy had. So thank you God for providing. It was in little steps nothing all at once or major to where we could say we received x amount of dollars but it was done in very small increments but the only reason that is was done was becuase of God. We also after Christmas was facing some bills that still were carrying extra amounts of them and 4 more doctor bills and the insurance bill that was due in December to cover adding our son on their. That was $200 itself. There was one week at the beginning of Jan where our deductions were not taken out of our checks becuase of it being an extra week and Tommy happended to have 1 overtime day which was a first since that one before christmas. With this we were able to pay all of the bill and the extra amounts and the doctor bills. The car insurance was also able to be paid in full which I know was completely planned and ordained by God. Because after they had received the money and it was put towards the account Justin had a little accident and our insurance is responsible for it. Now if we had not paid the insurance that was due I can't even begain to imagine what would have happened so I know that God protected us in that. So thank you God for your provisions there and for the insurance and that is still all up in the air and I dont know what this entails about our insurance going up but all I can do is trust in God. We have not seen significant favors of God that really stand out. And maybe I shouldn't say that because we have seen favors they just have not been big I guess like I had maybe hoped or wished for. There has been lots of favors that have been little and in small doses. Does that mean my belief in God and trust in God is also only in smally doeses. Am I not giving God my fullest belief in him. Or is this a patience thing or a teaching thing. I really dont know and I dont need to analyze it. I just need to continue to trust and believe in God. I am really tired of doing it myself though. I really would love to see Tommy step up and say you know what let's pray, let's fast, let's read the word and seek. Tommy has seemed to really step back and not be as interested or trusting or believing. I pray God that you would please wrap your arms around him and draw him back to you. That he will truly see you like never before. You said God for Tommy to seek you and and knock and you will answer the door and to have faith. He has done those things, I dont know if they have been to the extent that you want him to or not but I know that he has and I think he has seen you in little ways like at the Showalter's house during prayer for their house he heard you specifically and was faithful is listening but the finances are really getting him down and he needs to see you God. I know that you know exactly what he needs and that I dont need to tell you what it is. Please God let your presence be known. There is so much going on right now that it could be make it or break it and I'll be darned if it's going to be break it. We are in a wave again of hits or artillary coming at us and it gets harder and harder. For me all the old emotions and lack of patience and anger is trying to really flood back into me and just aggravation and everything that I felt before Tommy left is hitting me and I truly with all my heart and everything stand against it right now because I do not want that to be a part of me and I said that I would not ever go back there again and be like that. I prayed for new and for things to be completely unlike they ever were before and that is what I continue to believe in and pray for. That I will truly never be the same again!!!!!. I am new in God. I am changed in God. Things seem to be a lot more tense with Tommy. He's slipping like I mentioned. God please dont let him slip. I have prayed that we would be on the same page and that he truly would stand up and be the spiritual leader of the household and Debbie had spoken a word to me at the ladies retreat and than something similar was spoken over him at the prayer time at our house that it would not be much longer. That I will not have to be the leader much longer. And so God I am holding on to that and I am waiting. Please God dont let it be much longer. I know my time is different from your time but please dont let it be long. I pray that Tommy will truly come to see you and know you in a way like never before and that his relationship with you will just take off like fire on a gas line. Like you see in the movies. where somebody pours a line of gas and somebody ignites it and it takes off. I pray that for Tommy's relationship with you. Finances are holding steady. At least the bills are paid for but we still have our car taxes to pay for. Tommy needs to get the oil changed in his truck and Justin's truck and Tommy's truck in not starting so that needs to be fixed. Our dishwasher is broken so that needs to be fixed. We have Tommy's parents to pay back, our lawnmower to pay for, the old credit card bill we have been paying on for a long time. There is never in extra money to put towards these things. When there has been we have put it towards paying off things or towards things so it's not like we are wasting it or splurging with it. I make sure that Tommy has lunch everyday that he works so that he does not have to buy anything. I make sure I pack my lunch so I dont have to buy anything and we never hardly go out to eat anymore. We have been very careful and very responsible with our money and there is never a break. God we are both sick and tired of not being able to just have money to buy what we want or need or not have extra to be able to do the things that need to be done. (For example the oil changes, or car repairs) Only by the Grace of God we have not had to dig into the next checks money in quite a while so I give God the Glory for that because that is not because of anything we have done it is only becuase of God. I want to be able to go to Walt Disney World to take Justin before he graduates which would probably need to be this summer because if we waited until he graduated he may be gone for the Coast Guard. I know that this is a want and not a need. Things are happening at Tommy's work that are not good. They are cutting back on everything there and may be cutting back hours, not matching 401k. Not giving merit raises if you have any kind of occurance on your record, not giving the $10 cards anymore and no overtime at all. Possible layoff's there so that is very disheartening as well. Who knows what will happen. I really would like to see Tommy get a new vehicle. He truly deserves it. He has had his truck for 13 or so years and it really is on it's last leg. But he knows that he cant do anything about it. He works just as hard as everybody else and he sees other people have new or newer vehicles and they are doing the same as him. Now I know we dont know their situation and they could be really struggling but I understand where he is coming from. It's very disheartening. I know that this is a want and not a need as well. But God we have tried to be very faithful with our finances and be responsible and make sure we tithe and give to God what is Gods and be good servants with what we have and it just gets very hard to not ever be able to get ahead and be able to do or buy things that we could enjoy. Now I not only want these things for me. I'm really not intending to be selfish I truly want to be able to help others. I want to be able to pay off Tommy's parents and be free of that debt. I want to be able to help my parents. I want to be able to give to others who need. Please God I pray for breakthroughs in our finances and I pray that Tommy will see this. You God know what it's going to take for Tommy to truly see you and know you, I dont so God please whatever it is please let him see it soon. Let their be breakthroughs in our strongholds, in our marriage, in our family and in our finances. Please God please. It's getting really tought right now and I feel like I am really wearing down. I need you God. Please I really need a refilling and replenishing of you. Come God I am asking you to come and let us see you.

Update

It' been a while since I have written. For my own record I did write down on paper my thoughts on the prayer time at the house and some other things so I need to go back from my last post and pick up from there with my written posts at home and than come back to here. There has been a lot of little things that have happened and I'm not sure if I can remember them all, I just want to try to highlight a few. The money issues have holding steady. For about the past 6 weeks we have not had to borrow from the bill money and have had gas money left over to help with where it might be needed because of the lower gas prices and we have not had to write checks in advance making our bank account in the negative. Tommy had been working for his parents which helped out us and them and was able to keep us in the positive and from having to borrow. When Tommy had that one day missing from work we were even able to stay in the positive than and it is only because of the Grace of God. I have through the weeks still been at peace about Christmas. There has not been any extra money. Last week Tommy surprisingly sold a bunch of weights that we had in our basement and surprised me by saying we were going Christmas shopping that evening. What a blessing that was. I was not at all sure what to buy and was really apprehensive because I didn't want to just buy to buy. We got a few things at Walmart that were on lists and than we went to the Christian book store to buy a cd for our oldest daughter. Tommy had seen a band on t.v. that was an Irish christian punk bank and our daughter loves anything Irish so he wanted to buy that for her. The clerk had never heard of this band, we couldnt find it, the clerk looked and said there should be 1 cd in the store of theres and we did find it. So thank you God for that I believe that God saved it for us which was neat because that was what Tommy wanted to get her and in the past he has never been a part of Christmas shopping until last year when we got back together, we did go with each other and did it corporately. So for him to choose something specific for her was very special. The only other thing that I really wanted to look at was phones for our son and other daughter. Now I was going in there making it clear to them that I did not even really know if I wanted this because we had been burned really badly by our older daughter and she racked up a $400.00 phone bill and other months it had been quite high becuase of phone calls that had been made by Tommy when he was not at home. So I really hate cell phones!!!. Well we went in there and basically the package that had available was buy one of a couple phones and we were able to get 3 others for free. Now we only went in there looking for 2 and we left with 4 and all of them were free. Tommy for whatever reason had a $50.00 credit on his phone, the phone he picked out was a $100.00 phone and we got a $50.00 rebate on top of that. Earlier in the day Tommy's phone had completely fallen apart but he was doing the best he could with it and making it work and mine was really old and not holding a charge and had become very undependable. So I just want to say thank you God for that favor. We never expected for us to be able to get phones for us so that was a very nice surprise and I truly believe that it was a gift from God and that God was blessing Tommy for his sacrifice of selling his equipment earlier that day to provide for Christmas. It truly truly truly was a gift from God. THANK YOU!!! Tommy was able to work the day after Thanksgiving which was triple time when they normally had not been working this and not having any extra days to work and he was suppose to work the weekend which was overtime. He worked Sat but not Sun. because he was sick so he ended up losing the overtime day but we still had the extra from the day after Thanksgiving which allowed for some Christmas money. If it was not for that day worked we still would not have any extra money to spend on Christmas so thank you God for that gift as well. I know that God is providing and I have felt that he would. I know that obviously I was not suppose to get that 2nd job to earn money for Christmas and that I was to completely trust in my God to provide and he is. Normally I do go overboard for Christmas and so this year it has obviously has been very tight and I'm trying to figure out what is the things that would mean the most to people and I thank you God that for my parents which I orignally had said that we shouldn't buy anything for each other because of money and they bought us a dryer anyway I had a ceramic santa clause I had started painting last year and never finished and had another little one that I could paint and I have a cross-stitch that I had been working on for several years and never finished so hopefully I can this year and those will be there gifts. Thank you God for allowing me to have those things. I continue to pray for guidance in my purchases and I continue to pray that God will continue to provide. I still have to buy for our older daughter and a few more things for our youngest daughter and our three nieces and I really wanted to buy Tommy some things and we only have $100.00 to 200.00 left to do this in so God I am continuing to trust in you and belief that it is all going to work out. Thank you for all of your provisions. The other night we had home group and were praying over somebody elses house. Now this is the first time that Tommy has gone and done this. Last time we prayed at somebodys house it was ours and the time before that he didnt go. So earlier that day I had prayed that God would really work in Tommy and break off any feelings of he cant do this, he dosen't belong, etc., etc. I prayed that Tommy would really feel the presence of God and that he would feel comfortable and feel like he is to be there and be used by God. Well we split up and prayed for an hour. I never saw him except for the very beginning and when we came back together as a group we prayed for the family as a whole and Tommy had very specific words that he spoke over them. When we left he told me that he had tried to find me because he wanted me to write down things that were going through his head and he couldn't find me so he got some note cards and went outside and began writing what was coming to him. He said that he went and sat on the fence and was singing, which he does not do, and that words were just coming to him like crazy and that they were very specific and very clear. When it was over he had gone upstairs and put them on the bed for them to have. What a wonderful idea. I would have loved to have that for us when our house was prayed for or a tape of what was said so I thought that was a really neat thing to do. This was a most definitely God moment for Tommy and he had said that it felt like it had when he was in England. Thank you so much for that God because that is what I have been praying for is that Tommy would get that feeling back and know that he is an amazing vessel of God's. Thank you for making it so obvious to him and him making that connection and bringing back memories of how he had been used in the past by you God and I pray that it is stirring something up in him that will just make him hungry and thirsty for you God. Thank you for bringing that back alive Lord. When we left he had even called our leader to tell him about passing out paper to people next time so we could do that. Thank you for answering prayers God. Thank you so much!!!!!. Yesterday our oldest daughter came over to help decorate the Christmas tree. We had waited to decorate it because she really wanted to be there. It again was an amazing evening and was truly a gift from God and an answer to prayers. She came to my work and I took her home and started dinner. While dinner was cooking we got out all the ornaments and all the kids got to hang up their ornaments and Tommy got in on it as well which he does not do and I got to take lots of pictures. Tommy before would get mad at me when I tried to take pictures and would really fight me on this but he was so gracious and allowed me to do this and he smiled and looked really happy and we got our pictures taken together with one another which we dont ever do and after we decorated we all sat down together and watch christmas shows. It was an absolutely amazing evening. It was so peaceful, pleasant, it was truly a prayer answered. No arguing, no fighting. I cant say enough how wonderful it was and how good it felt. Thank you God for again that gift of family time it was very very special and I will never forget it. Tommy had even straightened up the house for me and had it all nice looking, lamps on, tree on, bedroom cleaned. It was very sweet of him and that to is an answer to prayer that he would do things like that around the house to help keep it nice looking and not just sit around and watch t.v. All of these things just mean so much to me and to see these answers to prayers is just truly (I dont even have the words to do it justice to explain how it makes me feel) All I can say is Thank you, Thank you, Thank you a billion times Thank you. Yesterday evening Tommy also had gotton a call from someone who goes to our church and had left a message asking Tommy if he was interested in some part time work. Now this man does remodeling which Tommy knows nothing about. Tommy called him and this man said that when he had been praying that Tommy's name came to him about this and to ask him so Tommy told him what his work schedule is like and that he has no experience and the man said that we should pray about it together and to let him know. So we did that last night. And Tommy's prayer was really good and the one thing that really sticks out in my mind was Tommy asking that he would be used in an important way. That like when we go to peoples houses to pray it wouldn't be yeah Tommy is here to but YEAH Tommy is here and we want him to pray. God thank you that he is seeking you and wanting and asking you to really work in him and he is inviting you to come and do what you have planned for him. And so God I claim that and I pray that for my husband as well. Come and bring forth the plans you have for him and I know that there is some major things that you have got for him and I cant wait to see what you are going to do. So Lord I pray that you do give Tommy clarity about what to do with this job offer and Lord I have prayed that you would provide a job for Tommy that he absolutely loves and does not have to work shift work anymore and have a regular job like with regular hours and that he would be able to see his dream come true by being able to teach and have a school that is very successful. God I dont know what is in store. I dont know if this could possibly be that job. He has no experience so who knows I just pray that your will, will be done. Thank you God for what is right around the corner. Thank you that I am truly believing that I will not be the Spiritual leader much longer at all that Tommy will stand up and take his place as that. I believe it, I believe it, I believe it. When I went to bed last night I could not sleep and had so much coming to my mind that I wanted Tommy to know so I got up and wrote him a long letter telling him and thanking him about last night and what has been going on so hopefully it's still at home and I can keep it to go along with this. Thank you God and Glory and Honor and Praise to you. Amen

Still trusting in God

God I am giving you all my trust in regards to our finances. Both of us get paid tomorrow and I know alreaday that between the two of our checks there will not be enough to cover the amount that I have to take out for bills. On Tommy's check it will be missing on top of no overtime plus a regular day. I leave tomorrow to go to our annual ladies retreat and on top of not having enough to pay for our bills but I also have to pay for my portion of the hotel room and food and gas to get there. So Lord you are the only way and I trust in you wholly. Thank you that Tommy has choosen to tithe and yes the thought just did cross my mind of there goes more money because of him tithing as well. Now I say that to be completely honest and record it becuase I am believing in major breakthroughs in our finances. I dont want there to be any falsehoods about my writing and I want to be real. Even though that thought did cross my mind I am so very thankful that Tommy did decide to tithe and he decided this on his own. I still have not heard anything back from the job that I had applied for so I am assuming that I did not get it. Things look really bad right now. There is no money for Christmas at all and we are short money. So in the fleshly realm things are really bad and very discouraging and could be very disheartening but in the spirit realm I know that God knows exactly what is going on and I know that God is in control. I do have an odd sence of peace which can only come from God. I have not been dwelling on our situation and have not been so completely stressed out that that is all I think about. There is nothing that we can do. Tommy is doing everything he can do by working and looking to see if there is by any chance any overtime which there has not been and working for his parents. I have been working and applied for those jobs to hopefully bring in money for Christmas, but that is not happening so God must have another plan. So it is completely out of our control hopefully and it is in God's hands. He is a loving, trusting, faithful providing God and I know that all things are possible with God. We have no choice but to trust in God. I do feel however that there is something we need to do to help breakthrough this but I dont know what. There seems to be a step back on Tommy's part lately. He has not been speaking about God like he was there a couple of weeks ago and it feels like he is pulling back and continuing to push forward. At one point he was talking to his mom about favor and trusting in God and with the whole adoption conversation and wanting to pray and talking to our homegroup leader. It seems like it has kind of come to a standstill and I pray against that right now in the name of Jesus. I pray that Tommy would continue to push forward and not give up and press in deeper and deeper and deeper. Please God grab hold of him and Lord the words that were spoken to him at the mens retreat I pray that you will bring them forth and truly meet him. You asked him to come and ask of you and to trust and to seek you, that you are there waiting for him. Lord please let Tommy really see you. He has been coming and asking and putting his trust in you. Please let him know your realness. Please God let him see your presence in his life. I pray that he will see answers to prayers he has come to you with. Pour your glory on him. All over him. Cover him completely with your oil of goodness and grace and mercy. I pray for an outpouring over him. Come God in a very powerful way. Move God like you have never moved before. I am asking you God. I am coming to you and praying for my husband and I am lifting him up. I thank you that I have the authority to do this and I am inviting you to please come and change both him and me to truly become the vessels you want us to be and be used in exactly the way you want to use us. I pray that our trials and tribulations are being turned into testimonies that will be used to spread across the nation to any and everyone that needs to hear it. I pray that these testimonies will rise up faith in hundreds of people and draw them closer to you than ever before. I pray for major breakthroughs. I pray that you will continue to speak through Tommy and use his words to bring forth truth and restorations in peoples lives. I pray that he will no longer sit back and watch but that he will rise up and become the leader and teacher that you have gifted him to be. I pray that words of life will pour out of his mouth and there would no longer be words spoken that are not from you but all words will be your words. I pray a breaking over passivity in his live. I pray that he will humle himself and bow down and give everything to you and invite you to come and have your way. I pray that their would be no more just riding the fence post I pray for new. New life, new excitement, new goals, new desires, new loves, new hopes. Please God pour your love over my husband. I pray that he will truly stand up and take the role of spiritual leader of our household. I pray that he will began reading your word and digging into it. I pray that their would not be a stigma over reading the bible. I pray that he would be consumed with the need to read your word and to seek you. I pray that his giftings will not go to waste that they will be used to glorify you and your kingdom. I am crying out to you Lord please hear me. Please come and show yourself in a mighty way in this family. I know that you already have in numerous ways and that I should not be so needy. I feel like I am being really greedy but I know that you want us to be needy for you and be selfish with you. So God I am praying for more of you. I from the deepest part of my heart want so badly to see you manifest yourself in amazing ways in our family. Please come Holy Spirit. Come, Come, Come bigger and better and more than ever before. I am crying out to you God desperately. Please hear my crys!!!!!!!!

Prais Report

I need to write and give thanks to God for things that are happening. There isn't anything major but it definitely is worthy of praise. I don't ever want to take what God is doing for granted.
Tommy has been working at his parents house to do things that they are not able to do and they have been paying him for his time. When he started doing this we were I think last time I mentioned $83.00 in the negative in the check book, well he was able to replace that and put us in the positive of about $28.00. His truck payment is do on Nov. 15th. He is suppose to use his karate money for this and he only had $90.00 some dollars in his account and he needed $140.00 something I think, well he was able to make up that amount so he will be able to pay his truck payment. So thank you God for that because we would have had to take from the bill money which would continue the cycle of being behind and having to continue to replace. Lately I have also been having to take from the bill money because I have needed it for gas at the end of the two weeks. This week I have not had to do that because amazingly I have $15.00 more dollars to last until this friday. And we even went to PA the Sunday before last which used my normal gas money. But with Tommy working he was able to cover that and able to cover gas for him as well. Now it just so happened that he also was able to do this because he was on day shift. Which he very well could have been on night shift and would not be able to work because he would have to sleep. So that is favor right there in itself that God worked out all the timing for him to be able to do this. The work that he is doing is also stuff that he absolutely loves to do. It's landscaping. Now I have prayed that God would put Tommy in a job that he absolutely loves and does not dread going to work. Now yes this is not his real job but I do believe that God provided this work for a short period of time and I can only continue to pray that God will open up doors for Tommy for his full time job and provide something that he absolutely loves. Thank you God for this short time work. An added bonus is that the weather has been really nice for him to work in. There was only one day where it was a little chilly but all the others have been perfect weather. Thank you for that. So these are all little favors that I believe that God has given us and I give him all the glory and honor and praise for them. This weekend while Tommy was working I was able to go down in the basement and clean it all up. Thank you God for allowing me the opportunity to do this. So it is clean for when we have the people come and pray for our house. I dont remember if I have written about this or not, but next wed we are able to have our home group and others come and pray for our house. I sent out a letter to the people that I wanted to invite. This included the pastors that I had met with during the time when Tommy was gone and I was seeking counsel, the church secretary that I spoke with a lot and many different people that either were there for Tommy of me and listened to us and prayed with and for us and I also invited our worship leader who had come to visit our church when Tommy was gone and it was him and his wife who our musicians and work together as a team and when I saw them on the stage I immediately had a WOW feeling of that's it. That is how Tommy and I are suppose to be. They had spoken briefely about their relationship and how it has suffered some hard times and I had actually emailed them right after that asking for prayer about my marriage. Now this is completely unlike me so I am just trusting that God put them in my life for a reason. For hope, for trust in knowing that God is in the job of restoring marriages and making them better than what they ever were before. This is what I sent out to everybody

On October 30th 2004 our family moved into our new house. Just the fact that we were able to build this house was a true blessing from God in itself. The way we came across the land, the selling of our own house, the finding of the builder, the loan process and so many more things that I could continue on with. From the very beginning we had given this whole process to God and had prayed about it step by step. There were so many answers to prayers and so many blessings that you know that it could have only been from God. I had said that when we moved into our house that I wanted to give it back to God and truly say thank you for everything that he had blessed us with. Well, time went on and that never happened. I truly regret not having done this because I believe this has led to our past 4 years becoming very unstable and things deteriorating very quickly within our family as a whole to the point of almost complete destruction. I really believe that we took a gift that was from God and completely took it for granted and opened up doors to allow the enemy to take control. It is time to take back that control and give this house to God like it should have been done in the first place. Our home group will be coming to our house on November 12th at 7:00 p.m. to pray over it and the property. I believe we will start the evening with worship and go from there. I want to see every nook and cranny be completely prayed for and to see our house be cleaned and purified by the Spirit of God. I want to invite his presence to come in such a way that will just truly bless each and every person that will be there. I want everyone to leave there refreshed, renewed and on fire for God. I would like to personally invite each one of you to come and pray over our house. Ther e are so many of you that have been there for us during our trials in this past year and a half that I would like you to be there to share in this time with God. I really want us to come together corporately and give glory to God for his victory. Even if you are not able to make it, we would appreciate your prayers or thoughts during this time.

So I am truly praying that there are going to be some major breakthroughs in our family, finances, jobs, marriage, our daughter, strongholds. I really pray that God comes and does some major cleaning house.

So while I was down in the basement, Tommy's sister had called and we got on the subject of childrens clothes and I knew that I had 2 boxes and 2 bags upstairs in my closet that I needed to bring downstairs before people came over and I had I believe 3 bags down in the basement. So instead of having a yardsale and saving them until next year I wanted to give them to her. So she came by the house that day and picked up both boxes and 2 or 3 bags full plus I took her 2 more bags the next day to church. So the clothes I gave her were an enourmous amount. When she came to pick them up they blessed us with a pizza. Thank you for that favor because I was suppose to make Tommy dinner and was to exhausted to do that so God provided our dinner. So I am so thankful that during these little bits of favor that we were able to bless his sister with the clothes and that Tommy is able to bless him mom with his work which she absolutely loves and truly considers favor for herself because it is a work being done that she had given up on and had watched her dream die away and Tommy is able to bring it back. So thank you for that. So I felt good that day I was working because I was able to accomplish things that I really wanted to get done that day. Our son mowed for us and cleaned up outside for me and so I was able to scratch some things off on my list in my head that I wanted done before homegroup came over. I still am kind of stressing out about it because I go the our ladies retreat this weekend and everyone will be at home so I am afraid that the house will be completely messed up and I only have two days to clean it before Wed. There is a chance that they will be spending the night maybe at Tommy's parents house which would be a huge help. I just really need to give this to God and not stress out about this. This is not about how clean my house is it is about inviting God to come and do his will. I am able to take that day off and clean but Tommy will be home sleeping part of the time so I will have to be quiet plus when he wakes up that means the possibility of taking away from time of cleaning which could possibly stress me out. So God I really give this to you and ask for your peace during this time. I pray that everything will fall right into place. I pray that you will bring the people their that you want to be there.
Thank you God for this weekend to be able to go to the ladies retreat and I pray that you will truly do some amazing things this weekend. Thank you that I get to be on a prayer team to pray for other women. I have wanted to do something like that before but felt intimidated because Tommy's mom was the leader of it and just did not know if it was right. I have never really done anything like this before and I really pray that God you will help me have a clear mind and allow me to be able to hear you and not speak what I want to speak what you want me to speak. Please God I ask that you will meet me and I give myself to you wholly to use me as you please. I pray that I will be a vessel that you can use to reach and minister to others. While I am at it God I pray that you will please be with Tommy and the things that he is dealing with, all the strongholds especially now with who has won the presidential election because that falls right into his extreme views and I pray that their will be vengence in this area. I pray for major breakthroughs and that these strongholds will be completely destroyed. Come God I pray that you will continue to do your work in us and I thank you for the prayers that I received the other night about our family being prophetic and being used in that area and Tommy's old youth group leader who he was close with stopped and spoke that over him on Sunday and I pray that God you will rise Tommy up and that you would use him in mighty mighty ways. Our son did get hit in the head yesterday with a longboard and praise God it was in an area that was the hardest and not in an area like his temple or elsewhere where it could have really caused a major problem. Thank you God for protecting him. We do believe that he has a minor concussion. God come. Your will be done

Continuation

There is always so much to write about. The craiziness continues. Our oldest daughter is now back with Tommy's parents. I got a phone call from his mom on Sat night and she had asked if I had heard from our daughter's old youth group leader. The leader was on the way to go pick up our daughter and take her to the hospital. From what I understand our daughter and her boyfriend broke up and she had been kicked out of the nursing home that she was staying in and that she told the youth group leader that she had contemplated taking medicine to end her life. So I got this phone call at about 10:30 that night and I had just gone upstairs to sit with Tommy while he shaved and we had just been kind of talking about our daughter and I was stating how I believe things were being stirred up and God is working and than I get this call. So I left to go meet them at the hospital. She was seen by the emergency psychiatric person on call and what basically came out of it was that she was going to attend a half inpatient treatment program that is from 9 in the morning until 3 in the afternoon. Where she goes and meets with a doctor the first day and than attends different sessions the rest of the day. This is to maybe last about a week and than she will need to continue with counseling. So she is now staying with Tommy's parents. So God I give this to you. I pray for your timing in all of this and that you will put before her the right people at the right time and I am still believing for that encounter with God and that she will be completely changed and that she will see her destiny come to pass and that God will use her in amazing ways. So today is Thursday and there seems to be no desire in wanting to go and she feels like it is a waste of time. I know that nothing is impossible for God and I know that the favor of God is on her and it will come to pass when the time is right. Earlier on this day which was Sat Tommy and I had gone over to his parents house to work at least Tommy was going to work. I was willing to do whatever as well if needed. Tommy's dad had offered to pay him to do work around his house that really needed to be done. So we went over there and Tommy was outside working for a while and I was inside with his mom and again like I have mentioned before it was a tad bit akward but than we went outside to see what the guys were doing and than began pulling weeds. It was a really nice time. It was very relaxing, we had good conversations and I really really enjoyed our time there. We finished up around 6 and they offered to take us to dinner. So we went out to eat and it went very well. A lot of times when Tommy and his mom get together he really likes to aggravate her and get her all riled up and says things that he knows bothers her and none of that happened. Praise God We had a good dinner. They paid Tommy and offered to pay me for what I did but I turned it down. I wanted to just be there to help and not get paid. But they did give Tommy a little bit more. The next day Tommy had a tournament that he wanted to go to in PA. He really wanted to compete in it but did not because of money. But I am thankful that we got to go. We were exhausted becuase I did not get home from the hospital until after 2:30 in the morning. By the time we got in bed it was 3:00 and we had to get up at 5:30 to drive to PA so needeless to say I was really really tired. But again I am glad we got to go because I know that it is something that Tommy really enjoys and as much as he sacrafices I really want him to do things he likes. On the way home both of us were really struggling just to stay awake so Tommy said to pull of the exit and we took a little break and he took over driving but instead of getting back on the interstate we took a seconday road that is very senic. I love to drive down that road because you go through so many different little towns that are old and it's a beautiful drive. As we got close to home we stopped at a place that has a covered bridge and walked around a little bit and Tommy was talking about getting family pictures done there and coming up with different ways to pose and it was just really nice to hear him talk about that. He had mentioned that we really needed to get our picture updated. It was a really nice stop and I am very thankful for that time together. Last night which was Wed our home group went to a couple's house that is part of our home group and we got to pray over their house. Our home group is starting to do this and I am really excited about it. Tommy did not go which I was disappointed about that but I just need to continue to trust that God will bring forth boldness in him and that he will come to where he is leading these things. I am thankful that he was honest with me and said that he did not feel comfortable about doing things like that and I just said that he needed to just step out because that was going to be part of killing passivity. The exact same thing that our home group leader said when I told him that Tommy was not coming and why. Bring forth boldness God. Next time our house gets to be prayed over. Praise the Lord because I had wanted this to happen when we first moved in and it never did. We get to invited who ever we want to so God I pray that you will give me guidance on who to invite and I pray that you bring the ones there that you want there. I am already stressing out because I feel the need to make sure that everything is clean and orderly and that our basement needs to be completely cleaned before this and how am I going to do this becuase not this weekend but next is the ladies retreat and I wont get home until Sun and Tommy will have the kids that weekend and I'm afraid that when I come home the house will be a diaster and homegroup is on Wed. Tommy will work Mon and Tues night so I could do some of it than but what if I get called for that job and will have to start working by than and I wont be able to do it at all. So God I give this to you and I ask please give me pease about this and I pray that you will work out all the details. I continue to come to you about the second job I applied for and wisdom in knowing what to do and I continue to come and pray about our finances and a breakthrough. Tommy's work has really slowed down and he is not only missing the 1 over time day on Sunday's but he is not working Sat as well which is a regular normal scheduled day for him so he will be missing a day as well. They were told this in the summer that they would not be working weekends and that things were going to slow down and they never did. He missed maybe one day in the summer but there was no slow time. Praise God because we were trying to save money for the trip and God provided. But since the favor has been spoken over us we have really been his and his work has completely slowed down and we are really feeling the effects of it. So you just know that it is an attack from the enemy and I just stand against it right now and declare the favor of God over our lives, jobs, finances, marriage, children. In every area that is was spoken. I really do pray for breakthroughs. As we stand right now I've put the bill money aside for this time but when I went grocery shopping I ended up being -80.00 some dollars in the checking which I will have to cover and that was for this last week. Again no money for this week for groceries. I'm trusting!!!! Last night when I got home from homegroup Tommy had mentioned that he had given a lot of thought to a tattoo that he came up with to cover up the one he has now that is not good and represents the things that he has been dealing with. So thank you God that he has given it thought and I pray that he will see it through and have it done. What a way to kill passivity. To get rid of the one thing that has a stronghold over him. Those things are still continuing to show their ugly face before him. The other night. I'm not sure if I have already written this or not but again on two different channels at the same time, both of the items were being shown. A cartoon comedy show that our son watches was on and they were dressed up for Halloween and guess what they were dressed up as. Both of the things that Tommy is dealing with. It's just really riduculous. Monday again the book they were printing had to do with the life history of one of them. I do not ever remember him printing these books like this before. It just so happens to of course be now. How obvoius. I mentioned this to our home group leader who was the one that met with Tommy and another guy to pray for Tommy about these things and he said the same thing had happened to him about the t.v. show. May the Glory of God come in Power and the stronghold be completely broken in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen

Unbeleaveable

The attacks are coming. One right after the other, right after the other. It's unreal. I need a breather God please. Here's the latest. Tommy has met with 2 people from our home group and opened up completely about the things he is dealing with. That is a really good thing. I felt bad though because he had asked me if I would go with him and I didn't because I did not want to intrude since it was just the guys and it immediately threw me back to where he would ask me to go to the tournaments with him and I would always tell him no. The only diffence is when he came home I was interested in what happened unlike my response when he would come back from the tournaments so I was struggling with a lot of condemnation over that. They (the guys) decided to fast for a couple of days. Again this is really good because Tommy has never done this before. The first day seemed to go o.k. He was only fasting for the time he was at home until his break at work. I actually had a really good conversation with him on the phone about the whole applying for jobs. I have really been having a hard time with this becuase I really dont know if this is the right thing to do. I have been really questioning myself if I am really trusting God or not. I have prayed through this whole process from the beginning and have given it to God to please open or close doors and lead me in know what is right. When I went in to the interview it seemed like it went well. I felt comfortable and the person who actually did the interview I went to school with and so it felt a lot more relaxed, so when I left I felt alright about it. That evening I spoke to my mom about seeing if she could pick up the kids when I needed it during this time period and she did not agree with my decision to do this. She said she would help me but she hoped that I would choose against it. So than it really made me think because she's right. I did not want to leave my kids home unsupervised and not seeing that homework got done and papers got signed. They need me. So here my feelings about all this get stirred up again. I had to go in the next day to fill out paper work and when I did this I did not have the same feeling as I did the day before. I sent out an email to our home group about this and asked for prayer in regards to the job decision. I got an email from our home group leader about reading Genisis 22:1-19. This is about the sacafice that Abraham was willing to do with his son. Now I am struggling with do I take a job if it is offered and sacrafice my time with my family and husband to earn money so I am able to buy them Christmas presents or do I sacrafice not being able to buy my kids anything for Christmas at all. I know that, that is not what Christmas is about am I am willing to do the later if that is what I am suppose to do. Money is not what is important to me. My family is much more important than money could ever be so God what is my sacrafice. What do I do? I have filled out all the paperwork and it looks like I will probably get the job. So do I continue with it or do I turn it down if it is offered. I really need an answer God. So back to what I was saying about Tommy that first day of fasting seemed to go o.k. and that's when I had the good conversation with him. The second day however was really bad. Another episode with our daughter where she came by to pick up some of her things and to leave the key to the car. Well she had gone outside and I remembered about the key and went outside to say something to her. She was not able to get everything and I told her she needed to get it or I was going to get rid of it. And we went back and forth about this a few times and than she had told me she forgot the key. So I said she was to bring it no matter what the next day. While this is happening, her boyfriends sister is the one who had driven her there and was beign pretty nasty and telling our daughter to get in the car. She said this a couple of different times and than of course had to cuss about it. So I just went back inside and left the situation because again I could feel myself getting to my boiling point and could not go there. I decided this is completely ridiculous. She is not going to be able to come by again when it is just me here. She seems to do this to me. When it is only me here I get the phone calls or the visits. So she did call to ask if I had seen her birth certificate when I was going through her things. First of all she needed to know I did not go through her things and have no interest in going through her things. So I procedded to tell her do not call me or come by if I am the only one there. From now on she could only do it when Tommy was there. So this all happened on the second day of his fasting and earlier in the day when I had seen Tommy for a brief moment you could just tell he was in a fowl mood. He had been like that even when I had talked to him on the phone. It just really felt like something was wrong. When I got home and I had to take our son someplace and could only talk to Tommy breifly but what I got out of it was. He was sick and tired of this whole favor thing and he did not want to hear anything else about it. Where the blank is the favor and instead of receiving it all we have received is blank. He's about ready to tell everybody to blank off basically. On the way home from work I was able to have a pretty powerful prayer time and I really am thankful for that because once I got home and saw this knowing something was not right anyway I was glad I was able to pray and lift this up to God. I pray God that you will please allow Tommy to see you in this. I pray that he will see breakthrough and will see that his fasting was not a waste of time or did not good. I truly believe that there is a major battle going on especially in that area that he is receiving prayer for and the enemy does not want him to be fee of it and he will try to do whatever he can to stop that from happening. But guess what enemy? The battle is won. God is victorious!! I am believeing in major breakthroughs and I give God the Glory right now. I pray that you will be with Tommy during this time and give him the strength he needs to perservere. I said something to him this morning about his word that he had given to our home group leader about going into battle and being pushed around and taking hits and not coming out of it without some injuries. So God I pray that you will remind him and continue to speak to him and I pray protection over him right now. Over his mind, his thoughts, his actions. Because after all this yesterday he had called and I had to tell him about our daughter and he wanted her phone number to call her and who knows what was said. So God I pray please in all these areas please God I claim the favor of God. I thank you because things are stirring and happening. I am believing in the prodigal coming home and I pray that our daughter will truly see what is happening to her. Today again was payday and I had to do our bills. This will be the second week that I will have tithed Tommy's money. I had to replace around 200.00 dollars that I had to use from our bill money from last time which took every penny of it and our checking was in the negative of 58.00. So I had to make up for that as well. Tommy has been getting absolutely no overtime at all. Normally he works every other sunday and that is not been happening. So we are getting less than we normally would and this have been going on for probably about a month now. So when I figured out the bills we have 98.00 left for groceries for two weeks. Nice huh. So encouraging. But God I continue to trust in you. I do possibly know of a little bonus I might get within the next two weeks of around 500.00 and listening to everybody else talk it goes to Christmas stuff but for us it goes to pay if it is here in time for my speeding ticket, Tommy's truck payment, groceries hopefully and some more doctor bills that have come in. Now please dont take me wrong. I really do not want to sound like I am complaning. Yes it is discouraging listening to everybody else talk about being able to use it for Christmas things and knowing that is whyI am possibly getting another job because I cant afford Christmas presents and I still cant use this money for that purpose because there is always catching up to do. I really do want to thank you God for the money becuase it will be very helpful to be able to use if for those things because those things are necessary and have to be paid no matter what so if we did not have the money again we would be even more behind than what we are now. I do also want to say thank you God because we got a call from the credit card place and the money that comes out every month has ended and will not be able to be continued. Now this happened last year and it was a really big problem because I did not know that it ended and we got behind on that and the monthly payment was more than what was coming out every month on that special program. After a while they were finally able to get us back on that program and take it out. So when I called today to try to get it set up again they told me they could not do it. But come to find out the monthly payment this time is less that what is coming out now on a monthly basis by 11.00 so it was o.k. that I could not set up this program and I will just continue to pay what was coming out previously. So thank you God for working that out because that could have been bad. Thank you for that favor. I had a really good conversation with Tommy's sister yesterday about all these topics I have been writing about and they are feeling the same exact way. They are being hit hard to. So I know that this is an attack that is hitting multiple people and we have got to continue to stand against it and push forward with the favor God. So God I am continuning to ask please I pray for breakthroughs in our finances, our jobs, our marriage, our family, our children. I pray for the favor of God in ways that we could not possibly begain to even believe or imagine. I am still holding onto the lightning that was on that blog that was written by a recepiant of Grahm Cook's word that was like our word. I wrote about this and I do believe it was for me to see and it was God saying. These our my promises to you. And the lightning has been my sign from God in regards to promises with Tommy and I and here we are together. God answered my prayer and when I saw the lightning each time I had asked God if Tommy and I were to be together and if so please show me a sign and lightning was what he gave me. Thank you so much. So when I saw that picture of lightning on that blog when I was questioning rather or not those words were for us and the lightning that I saw is almost identical to the picture of lightning I have on my blog. I really believe that is God showing me yes these are my promises to you and he confirmed that by the picture. So I hold on to that and I say Thank you so much God for what is to come. Glory and honor and Praise to you forever and ever!!!!

More Good

I forgot to write about this. But Friday I went to go look at an entertainment center at someone's house that was selling it with Tommy's mom. It was a nice trip. It was a little akward but overall it was nice. She graciously took us out to eat on the way back from looking at the furniture. Thank you for your generosity. We did buy the furniture and arranged to pick it up later. This was our christmas present from them. So yesterday evening we went to go get it. Tommy and our son both drove their trucks and we brought it home. We were able to get the items in our house and we ended up having to rearrange our living room. Now in the past when it involves this and decision making of where things go and hooking up the t.v and dvd and vcr and dish it gets very stressful and there is a lot of tension and usually lots of arguing. Last night was amazing. It took a while to get the whole tv thing worked out and I ended up having to call the dish people and come to find out it was only one cord that was wrong. Normally when I get on the phone with them it never goes well and I end up having an attitude with them and get quite irritated with them ending up losing my cool. This time it was so easy and went so smoothly with them. Quickly found out it was one simple cord and got off the phone laughing with them. Praise God. We finally got around to moving the furniture and needing to decorate and move our knick knacks. Tommy was taking those things and putting them where he thought would look good. Again I would take those things he moved and move them again or critize it or not let him have an opionion and my way was always what was done and I had to have the last positioning of the item. Not this time. Where Tommy was putting things was good and agreeable and it was amazingly easy for me to just let it go and let him do whether I agreed totally or not. Praise God. The places he put the items I like and he did a good job. I was able to let go and let him make decisions and have an opinion and did not critizize it. We worked together really good as a team. Praise God. Last night after I had gone to bed, he had come up after a little while and took the time to share with me how he appreciated me and how we compliment each other with me being able to handle and deal with the t.v. items and him doing to moving and other things. He was very sweet and said that he was very lucky to have me and how he appreciated me. The things he said to me meant so much to me and they were very sweet and spoke volumes to me. Thank you God for changing me and working in us and allowing us to come together as a team. Thank you so so so much God. It definitely is a God doing. I give you all the Glory and Honor and Praise. Another thing yesterday we went to Tommy's sister's little girls birthday party and we had gotton on the topic of Christmas and we had come to a decision about the kids drawing names for each other instead of us buying for all the kids like we usually do. Which gets expensive because there is a lot of kids in the family now. And feeling obligated to buy for them. So this is a huge and and we agreed to do the white elephant exchange again instead of drawing names for the adults as well. Thank you God for those cut backs there. Thank you so much for your mercy and grace. I can not say it enough. Thank you