Unbeleaveable

The attacks are coming. One right after the other, right after the other. It's unreal. I need a breather God please. Here's the latest. Tommy has met with 2 people from our home group and opened up completely about the things he is dealing with. That is a really good thing. I felt bad though because he had asked me if I would go with him and I didn't because I did not want to intrude since it was just the guys and it immediately threw me back to where he would ask me to go to the tournaments with him and I would always tell him no. The only diffence is when he came home I was interested in what happened unlike my response when he would come back from the tournaments so I was struggling with a lot of condemnation over that. They (the guys) decided to fast for a couple of days. Again this is really good because Tommy has never done this before. The first day seemed to go o.k. He was only fasting for the time he was at home until his break at work. I actually had a really good conversation with him on the phone about the whole applying for jobs. I have really been having a hard time with this becuase I really dont know if this is the right thing to do. I have been really questioning myself if I am really trusting God or not. I have prayed through this whole process from the beginning and have given it to God to please open or close doors and lead me in know what is right. When I went in to the interview it seemed like it went well. I felt comfortable and the person who actually did the interview I went to school with and so it felt a lot more relaxed, so when I left I felt alright about it. That evening I spoke to my mom about seeing if she could pick up the kids when I needed it during this time period and she did not agree with my decision to do this. She said she would help me but she hoped that I would choose against it. So than it really made me think because she's right. I did not want to leave my kids home unsupervised and not seeing that homework got done and papers got signed. They need me. So here my feelings about all this get stirred up again. I had to go in the next day to fill out paper work and when I did this I did not have the same feeling as I did the day before. I sent out an email to our home group about this and asked for prayer in regards to the job decision. I got an email from our home group leader about reading Genisis 22:1-19. This is about the sacafice that Abraham was willing to do with his son. Now I am struggling with do I take a job if it is offered and sacrafice my time with my family and husband to earn money so I am able to buy them Christmas presents or do I sacrafice not being able to buy my kids anything for Christmas at all. I know that, that is not what Christmas is about am I am willing to do the later if that is what I am suppose to do. Money is not what is important to me. My family is much more important than money could ever be so God what is my sacrafice. What do I do? I have filled out all the paperwork and it looks like I will probably get the job. So do I continue with it or do I turn it down if it is offered. I really need an answer God. So back to what I was saying about Tommy that first day of fasting seemed to go o.k. and that's when I had the good conversation with him. The second day however was really bad. Another episode with our daughter where she came by to pick up some of her things and to leave the key to the car. Well she had gone outside and I remembered about the key and went outside to say something to her. She was not able to get everything and I told her she needed to get it or I was going to get rid of it. And we went back and forth about this a few times and than she had told me she forgot the key. So I said she was to bring it no matter what the next day. While this is happening, her boyfriends sister is the one who had driven her there and was beign pretty nasty and telling our daughter to get in the car. She said this a couple of different times and than of course had to cuss about it. So I just went back inside and left the situation because again I could feel myself getting to my boiling point and could not go there. I decided this is completely ridiculous. She is not going to be able to come by again when it is just me here. She seems to do this to me. When it is only me here I get the phone calls or the visits. So she did call to ask if I had seen her birth certificate when I was going through her things. First of all she needed to know I did not go through her things and have no interest in going through her things. So I procedded to tell her do not call me or come by if I am the only one there. From now on she could only do it when Tommy was there. So this all happened on the second day of his fasting and earlier in the day when I had seen Tommy for a brief moment you could just tell he was in a fowl mood. He had been like that even when I had talked to him on the phone. It just really felt like something was wrong. When I got home and I had to take our son someplace and could only talk to Tommy breifly but what I got out of it was. He was sick and tired of this whole favor thing and he did not want to hear anything else about it. Where the blank is the favor and instead of receiving it all we have received is blank. He's about ready to tell everybody to blank off basically. On the way home from work I was able to have a pretty powerful prayer time and I really am thankful for that because once I got home and saw this knowing something was not right anyway I was glad I was able to pray and lift this up to God. I pray God that you will please allow Tommy to see you in this. I pray that he will see breakthrough and will see that his fasting was not a waste of time or did not good. I truly believe that there is a major battle going on especially in that area that he is receiving prayer for and the enemy does not want him to be fee of it and he will try to do whatever he can to stop that from happening. But guess what enemy? The battle is won. God is victorious!! I am believeing in major breakthroughs and I give God the Glory right now. I pray that you will be with Tommy during this time and give him the strength he needs to perservere. I said something to him this morning about his word that he had given to our home group leader about going into battle and being pushed around and taking hits and not coming out of it without some injuries. So God I pray that you will remind him and continue to speak to him and I pray protection over him right now. Over his mind, his thoughts, his actions. Because after all this yesterday he had called and I had to tell him about our daughter and he wanted her phone number to call her and who knows what was said. So God I pray please in all these areas please God I claim the favor of God. I thank you because things are stirring and happening. I am believing in the prodigal coming home and I pray that our daughter will truly see what is happening to her. Today again was payday and I had to do our bills. This will be the second week that I will have tithed Tommy's money. I had to replace around 200.00 dollars that I had to use from our bill money from last time which took every penny of it and our checking was in the negative of 58.00. So I had to make up for that as well. Tommy has been getting absolutely no overtime at all. Normally he works every other sunday and that is not been happening. So we are getting less than we normally would and this have been going on for probably about a month now. So when I figured out the bills we have 98.00 left for groceries for two weeks. Nice huh. So encouraging. But God I continue to trust in you. I do possibly know of a little bonus I might get within the next two weeks of around 500.00 and listening to everybody else talk it goes to Christmas stuff but for us it goes to pay if it is here in time for my speeding ticket, Tommy's truck payment, groceries hopefully and some more doctor bills that have come in. Now please dont take me wrong. I really do not want to sound like I am complaning. Yes it is discouraging listening to everybody else talk about being able to use it for Christmas things and knowing that is whyI am possibly getting another job because I cant afford Christmas presents and I still cant use this money for that purpose because there is always catching up to do. I really do want to thank you God for the money becuase it will be very helpful to be able to use if for those things because those things are necessary and have to be paid no matter what so if we did not have the money again we would be even more behind than what we are now. I do also want to say thank you God because we got a call from the credit card place and the money that comes out every month has ended and will not be able to be continued. Now this happened last year and it was a really big problem because I did not know that it ended and we got behind on that and the monthly payment was more than what was coming out every month on that special program. After a while they were finally able to get us back on that program and take it out. So when I called today to try to get it set up again they told me they could not do it. But come to find out the monthly payment this time is less that what is coming out now on a monthly basis by 11.00 so it was o.k. that I could not set up this program and I will just continue to pay what was coming out previously. So thank you God for working that out because that could have been bad. Thank you for that favor. I had a really good conversation with Tommy's sister yesterday about all these topics I have been writing about and they are feeling the same exact way. They are being hit hard to. So I know that this is an attack that is hitting multiple people and we have got to continue to stand against it and push forward with the favor God. So God I am continuning to ask please I pray for breakthroughs in our finances, our jobs, our marriage, our family, our children. I pray for the favor of God in ways that we could not possibly begain to even believe or imagine. I am still holding onto the lightning that was on that blog that was written by a recepiant of Grahm Cook's word that was like our word. I wrote about this and I do believe it was for me to see and it was God saying. These our my promises to you. And the lightning has been my sign from God in regards to promises with Tommy and I and here we are together. God answered my prayer and when I saw the lightning each time I had asked God if Tommy and I were to be together and if so please show me a sign and lightning was what he gave me. Thank you so much. So when I saw that picture of lightning on that blog when I was questioning rather or not those words were for us and the lightning that I saw is almost identical to the picture of lightning I have on my blog. I really believe that is God showing me yes these are my promises to you and he confirmed that by the picture. So I hold on to that and I say Thank you so much God for what is to come. Glory and honor and Praise to you forever and ever!!!!