Jam Packed Weekend

There is so much that has happened that I just need to write down so I can remember and it really is all very random. I cant remember what I have already written about. I believe I have already mentioned the truck that Tommy bought. Again thank you for that blessing God and I will continue to trust that it will work out and that the money will be able to be there to pay for it. His karate class is what is to take care of it and he needs to keep a certain amount of students in order to do it so I'm just praying that, that will happen. That night that Tommy got the truck we went out to eat with his parents for my birthday. Now it is still strained between us because of all the stuff that has taken place with our oldest daughter and things that were said between us to one another. So a majority of the time when I am around his mom, it is very awkard and there is not a whole lot of conversation. This night was not to bad, we were able to talk and she moved down to where I was and it was casual and very much on the surface about things at church and day to day items. When we talk about church it seems more comfortable and there are things to say but than theres not much else after that. She had asked me if I was going to the Ladies Retreat and I told her yes. She wanted to know if I would be willing to be on the soaking prayer team. I was amazed and very excited about this invitation. I in a way have always wanted to be a part of the team at church but just never felt like it was right. And than when things happened between us it was really bad and she saw some really ugly sides of me and so I know that there would never be a way that she would want me to do anything like that because of seeing me like I was. Now I know that, that is not true and it's something the enemy wants me to believe. So when she asked me it was like WOW! REALLY! Now I have never done anything like this and I told her that I never had and her comment was, was I at the Ladies Retreat last year which I was, than you have done this. We broke up into small groups and did exactly that. So thank you God that she stepped out in faith by asking me and I pray that God you will be with be because I already pray a lot about not being a good speaker and never knowing what to say and always stumbbling around with my words or being at a loss of words and being discouraged about my own prayer time a lot. So God you will have to be there with because you are the only way that I can do this. I pray that every word that comes out of my mouth would be from you and would be clear and understandable and full of truth and life and love. I in the flesh want to be kept completely out of it. But that really meant a lot to me. She had also mailed me my birthday present which was money. Now as you know I had to use bill money to pay off Tommy's ring that I bought so my first thought was I will just replace it with this. And of course in a way I was disappointed because I would like to buy myself something for my birthday but I would rather replace the money. When we went out to eat she had asked if I had gotten her card and told me that I was to use it for me and nothing else and even on the check she wrote to be used for me. So than I felt bad about wanting to use it to replace the money so I thought alright I will use it for me. So on Sat I went to the Goodwill to go shopping. When I went to get my money 20.00 of it was gone and I knew that Tommy must have taken that but I knew he probably needed it for gas or food. I was hoping to go shopping and than use the rest of it to buy necessities that we needed like dog food, laundry detergent, things like that so I was like great wont be able to get all that we need but I knew Tommy must have needed it so it was o.k. I went in and went shopping and was able to find 4 or 5 really nice shirts and that was all. So I did have money left over and we were going to Tommy's sister's little girls birthday party and I really needed to get her something. So I used some of the money for that and than was able to buy a few things we needed. I just want to say thank you God for the things that I have found in the Goodwill. It is discouraging to have to shop there all the time and not be able to go anywhere else because you cant afford it like I see everyone else do but God you have allowed me to find some really nice things and I dont want you to think that I am not grateful because I really really am. Thank you God. I do appreciate it. So we went to the birthday party. Now once again this could have been really akward because of all the stuff that has happened between Tommy's mom and me because a lot of it was things that I have said about his sister. So along with trying to repair and make things right with Tommy's mom I'm doing that as well with his sister. So here I am going to this party with just me and my two youngest daughters because Tommy is at work and my son is at home getting ready for homecoming. The party was very nice and it was not akward. I give all the glory to God. I know he has done so much work in me and God is truly restoring these relationships. Thank you God. I have been praying that all the relationships that have been broken and seriously hurt will be completely different and unlike they ever were before just like I have prayed for my marriage. I've been praying for new beginnings in those relationships as well. Which seems to me a reoccuring theme within this year which this year happens to be the year of new beginnings. It is so amazing how God works things out and how God shows up and reaffirms his existence. Thank you God. Sunday Tommy did not have to work even though he was scheduled to which money wise it would have been nice if he did becuase there goes the overtime but he was able to go to church and I would much rather have him at church than have the money even though we need it. The sermon was really good and the topic they have been speaking on is faithfullness. The one speaking Tommy likes so it makes it easier I believe for him to listen. At church someone had come up to me and said that I need to go see the movie Fireproof. She had seen it the night before and that it was about marriages and I needed to see it. That was all that was said. After church we went unexpectadly to Tommy's parents house for lunch and his two sisters and families were there. Once again it went really well and it was not to akward. Only because of God. Tommy was affecionate with me which I am so thankful for especially in front of his parents with them having known everything that we have been through so for him to be openly affecionate with me meant a lot to me. I told him about the movie and mentioned that I would like to see it. So a little later even though I could not really tell him what it was about and it not being a movie that he would want to see he asked if I wanted to go. This was neat because this all happened in one day with me finding out about the movie and than being able to go see it that day. Which of course we had to use bill money to cover this. Also while we were at his parents house he had mentioned out of the blue about wanting to adopt or use to wanting to adopt a child. This just completely came out of no where. We went to the movie and All I can say is OH MY GOSH!!!!!! If there was ever to be a movie written about Tommy and I, that was it minus a minute amount of details. I was able to relate to both sides because I have personally been on both sides. I sat there and sobbed almost the whole entire time and when it was over all I wanted to do was get up and yell THANK YOU JESUS!! The ending of the movie is the same ending that I have been praying for and truly envisioned happening. My prayer is that Tommy and I will renew our vows in front of the church body with somehow/someway our testimony being shared and being used to heal, strengthen and restore others. I want so badly to be able to share our story and declare what God has done in our lives. My fantasy of our ending was like I said, renew our vows, take communion, baptism, and share this with everyone to show God’s faithfulness and build others faith by knowing, seeing, watching and walking through this with us knowing who we were than and seeing who we are now. Than having a major party and celebrating with God being the guest of honor. It was very difficult to watch and go through but it was amazing. Tommy said that he did not like it and made a few comments about the way the woman was which were obviously comments spoken from someone that has been hurt and through this and were defensive comments but I really believe it moved him. Later that evening we were sitting on the couch and I think the girls were in bed and our son may have been to, I asked him about the adoption comment and wanted to know if he was serious about it. When I asked him that question the girls were still awake because he was only able to answer in between interruptions. So later when they were in bed Tommy and I had an absolutely amazing conversation with one another. Sorry earlier in the day on the way home from the movies Tommy opened up about some things that he has been dealing with that have to do with racial issues and groups that are involved. He got more involved in these when he left and I truly believe that things are being stirred up in him about these things. He mentioned that he was trying to be good and he was watching tv and on one channel one of the groups were on there, the night before that he was watching and the other group was on there and he refrained from watching either one. Praise God. Also at work he is printing a book and of course it has to do with one of the groups so he thought o.k. I dont need to really look at it all I need to do is look at the page numbers but than his boss had to leave and he had to do his job which is looking more throughly into the book. It is so obvious that the enemy is at work and knows Tommy is trying to get away from this and does not want to make it easy for him. A couple of weeks ago he had mentioned these issues at homegroup and did not go into any detail but did ask for prayer which for Tommy was a huge step. So the enemy is afraid and is trying to do what he can to make it hard and I just want to stand against that right now in the name of Jesus and declare that God is victorious and that these issues will be destroyed by the power of God. But Tommy opened up to me about this which was also a huge step for him and I say thank you God and I pray that God will continue to intervene and lead us to where Tommy will be delivered from these things. Back to the couch. We sat on the couch and talked for a while and he just really opened up about his thoughts on adoption and we just had a really good conversation and when it seemed to end he asked if I wanted to pray. Thank you God. I was going to ask him that night before we went to bed which is usually not good because he tends to drift in and out but he on his own asked me if I wanted to pray and he prayed. Thank you so much God for this. It truly is an answer to prayer for me. His prophecy tape spoke about coming to you and asking. That all he had to do is ask and that you would be there God. He is coming and he is asking so God I pray that you will truly allow him to see your presence. Please God please. There is so much happening and I just pray protection over Tommy and pray that nothing will be able to stand in the way of you and him. So about the adoption thing God I need you to speak to me about that. If it is truly his will and desire to do this and God you know that it is right I pray that you will give me that same desire. I pray God that you will show us what is right to do. I still come to you about our finances and pray that God you will some how some way allow the money to be there to cover the money we have had to use once again digging into next weeks pay check alreay. Please God I pray for a break through in our finances. I pray for an abundance that we will be able to get out of debt and will be able to pour into others lives. One thought that had come to my head was that I wanted to buy that movie and give it to the couples in England. Who knows. God if you want me to do that I pray that it will be done. I come right now and ask God that your favor would be over us and I thank you for everything that is happening. Thank you so so so much.