Struggling

I woke up this morning and the first word on my mind was fast. Yesterday I was fasting and praying about our finances. I chose to do one day. So when I woke up this morning fast was the first word that I thought of. I just didn't feel settled or released to not fast today. I just felt like it was not right for me to stop. I prayed about it and I have asked God to show me if I am to continue or to give me peace about not fasting. On the way to work, my son wanted me to stop at 7-Eleven for him to get a drink. So I did. When he came out he had two drinks and two donuts. He had bought me a drink and a donut to. What a sweet boy. My thought though was what do I do? Do I fast or is this my sign to eat? As I was thinking about it on the way to work, I felt that if God had given me that word this morning and I do not take the step of faith to do something God might be telling me to do than how can I say that I am killing passivity. I need to trust. I ask God to speak to me and show me what to do and maybe that is exactly what he is doing. So I decided to go ahead and fast today as well and asked again that God would release me when the time is right. So I left the drink in the car and I took the donut into work and offered to them. I was thinking is chocolate more important to me than my trust and faith in God. No not hardly. I want to show God that I am sincere in saying that I trust him whole heartedely. Now yesterday I prayed a lot in regards to my daughter and I had been thinking, you know I just want to say Thank you to God because I have been praying that things would be uncomfortable and uneasy, restless, ugly, not fun, not good, just really bad. So it was just interesting that yesterday that she calls me wanting to come get her and than calls they lady who was her youth group leader. Tommy talked to her and basically it was said that as is she cant come home right now. I do believe that God is stirring and moving in her and I just want to say thank you for what you are doing. So I ended up praying more about that than our finances yesterday which is o.k. because she is more important that any amount of money. I would much rather see her come back to God and live her life completely different and be a changed person. I am really having a hard time though trying to figure our what to do. Do I pray, do I listen to the sermons that have been spoken, do I write, do I read in the word. What do I do. There is so much I would like to do or have thought about doing and I just can not seem to get the motivation to do it. Or when I go to do it. It does not feel right. I desperately need your help God I am really, really struggling. I pray for peace over my mind and my thoughts. I pray that God you will lead me in what to do. I want to write a favor of God on the church website and just dont know what to write. How can I not know when so much has happened. I just dont know where to begin and how to start. Normally when I sit to write I have no problem at all. It just pours out of me, but it's not when I go to write that. Maybe I'm not supposed to write anything but than I think well how can that be because that's what I want to do. I want to be able to share what God has done in my life and in my marriage and I want it to be a testimony to share God's goodness and I want to be able to have what has happened with us be used to help others so how come I cant write anything. I just dont know. I want to sit down and write vows to Tommy to give to him on our anniversary along with a new wedding band I bought him. Which of course this falls into one of the items that I have to finish paying for this week along with all the many other things that I mentioned yesterday. So I have not been able to sit down and do this either. I need help God please. So I just want to come to you right now and say God thank you for whatever you are doing. Thank you that things are happening in the spirit realm because it has to be with all the confusion and strife that I'm feeling. I know something must be going on and in the works because I feel that the enemy is in full force right now trying to completely block my mind from anything that you want to give me God and is causing major unrest in me, my mind and I am tired of it. So God please come and clear my mind, my spirit, me as a whole. I need peace, I need rest, I need you God. So please lead me in the areas I am struggling in and allow me to know and see and hear you clearly. Please God please. I continue to pray for major breakthroughs in our finances, my marriage, my family and our jobs. I know you hear my prayers, I know you know exactly where I am right now, you know what my desires and longings are and you know what we are facing and I thank you that you are in charge and in control. I wait on you in anticipation to see what you are going to do and I cant wait to write about what you did and share you. I want people to hear and know you and see what you can and will do in their lives. I need you desperately God please clear my mind God. Come, Come, Come. I am really struggling today with the fasting and cant wait until this day is over. That donut sat there for a long time before they finally ate it, so I would look at it and really want it. But what do I want more. Chocolate or God? God of course!! So Lord it is getting really hard right now and I need your strength to get me through the rest of this day. I am digging in and I am believing in miracles. I am believing that God is with me, he will carry me through, he will give me the strength that I need. I truly want to show God how sincere I am. I want to show God how I truly believe that he is the way. The only way, and that all things are possible through him. "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find ; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. God I am asking for help in our finances. Please somehow, someway let the money issues that I am faced with be provided for. Please dont take this as being selfish or greedy because I really am not. Help me clear everything out of my mind that does not belong there and that is not of you.