Seeking

There is so much going on right now. My original intent in writing today is to write as a prayer. I am fasting today in regards for a major breakthrough in our finances. As I was trying to read about fasting it spoke about praying & fasting together strenghtens the power behind it and no that it is not a way to manipulate God which a lot of the time comes to my head. O.K. God if I fast and pray this, than you it's automatically going to be fixed. That is not my intention when I fast so I just want to stand against that right now in the name of Jesus. Our church had those words spoken over us about favor. I wrote about this in my journal at home. There was so much that was spoken it's really hard to wrap your head around it all. But there was so much that spoke to my heart and I have not had a chance to go back and listen to it all. Now it was all spoken to us as a congregation so what was for me and what was for my family? Is it ok to claim the favor over finances for us. Maybe that was not meant for us. Maybe it was? How do I know? God How do I know? They spoke 2 to 3 weeks ago and spoke favor over all whole congregation in many areas. One area that I have prayed about for a while that is always an issue is our finances. I'm not even praying in a big and bold way. Asking to be completely free of debt or rich or anything like that. I have always prayed little. God just help us be able to pay our bills, help us be able to make ends meet help us have enough for groceries, help us be able to pay our doctor bills, help us be able to have enough money for christmases and birthdays, help us to be able to pay for things that pop up unexpectadely. See nothing really big just week to week needs and God has always provided. There have been weeks I just did not know how we were going to make it and we always do. Christmases have amazingly always been provided for. I am having a really hard time with this right now because I dont want to be selfish and greedy and I dont want to pray wrong or ask God anything that is wrong. Now when you fast as I was reading it said that it is a time to clear your mind and yourself spiritually and turn to God for the strength and seek him which I do, do. So I cant really pray at work except for in my head or in the bathroom and it's really hard for me because when I pray I like to pray outwardly. So God my time of fasting is over our finances and for a break through. I pray that as I seek you and write that you will speak to me and provide your insight and wisdom. There is so much right now that has come up that of course needs money. Our sons drivers ed $250.00 needed right now, actually at the beginning of this week. A local huge community yard sale that I try to go to every year because that is the only place that I buy my youngest daughters clothes because I cant not just go to the stores and buy whatever. Now no this is not a necessary thing but actually it is pretty important because she needs things for winter and this is the only way for me to get those things. Now I missed the other one a few weeks ago that I also go to because of course I did not have the money. Again this week I do not have the money but I feel like what choice do I have? It's just really bad when you dont have the money for yardsales. It gets so discouraging and disheartening not to be able to even afford that. My husband is having people come and give a seminar this weekend for his karate class. Now they offered to do this on their own and for free which glory to God because the seminars are usually $1000.00. The only thing we have to do is take them out to eat. So of course you need money for that. My birthday is Monday and this was a major issue between Tommy and I a couple of years ago because I was so controlling over the money that I wouldn't let him have any so he couldn't buy me anything for my birthday. So I cant say no to him if he asks for the money card or whatever because I refuse to be like I was. But there is no extra money for that either and we of course have to replenish money that I had taken out for bill money last week because we have had to use that for different reasons. Gas mainly. I am just so tired of living from pay check to pay check and not having enough money to make it from week to week. The sad thing is we both have good jobs and make average amount of money but we are always living check to check with nothing left over hardly and it's not like to go out and spend and blow our money unwisely. It's always going towards needed and necessary things. So right now I am really having a hard time because it is so discouraging and disheartening. There's only so much we can do. We both work and Tommy works whatever overtime he can the only other thing we could do is get second jobs but than that would not be good for the family and it would take away necessary needed time there and I dont want to do that because money is not more important than my family. Now I feed bad about fasting for finances because when I read it said to fast about things that would glorify God fast about things that is God's will. How do I know that my finances is God's will? Now I can see how it could glorify God because of the results that could be shared and spoken about. Now I have been praying about help with our finances and that there would be a major breakthrough and that we would no longer have to live from check to check. That we would have the money whenever we needed it and that we would have more than enough so we could give it away. I want so bad to pay off Tommy's parents what we owe them. Realistically there is no way. But I am believing it's going to happen. When people come to our church and speak I want to be able to write a check and give to them as a gift and know that I have the money in my account to do that and not do it because I know we dont have it. I just want to be able to buy my children shoes or pants when they need them. To be able to buy whatever they need that is reasonable when they need it. Now I know that there are hundreds and thousands of people who are worse off than we and by the grace of God we have gone week to week and somehow have made it. Almost every time we get paid I am able to buy groceries for that first week and than the second week the money has been delegated to somewhere else. I just wish I could go the grocery store and be able to buy groceries each week and not have to worry do we have enough to cover this. Now back to how do I know that my finances are God's will I dont know. I do know that God wants us to seek him and so I am thankful for times like this even though it is very discouraging because we need God, we count on God, we look to God for help. God I know is there and he wants to help us. I believe if it was not God's will for us than he would not have spoken the things he spoke through those people and get our hope's up and than say o.k. never mind I was just joking. It was only for that person, not you. That is not who God is. God is a loving, sincere, giving, gracious God. He does not dangle things in front of us or give us a sample of something and than say that's all you get. I believe it is something that is to come that we have to look forward to. So I believe that for our finances. I believe that God would not put that word before us and we not see the fruit from it. Now I know it was spoken about us not being passive and killing passivity. How do I do that? How do I seek, how do I pursue, what is it God that I need to do to show you how sincere I am. So that is one way I can do that is by fasting to show God my faith and belief in him. That all things are possible through God. When I was praying this morning I was basically praying what I have written here and the same thought came to me about not praying for the big things like having our house paid off and having a credit card that we had from a long time ago paid off. Why dont you pray for those things and I guess I dont because they seem completely impossible and unrealistic. The truth is, it's not impossible because God can do anything but I am always just concerned over the now things that we are always faced with. When Tommy went to Vision Quest they spoke about favor there and blessings over peoples finances and it was spoken that there would be people that are there that would be writing checks in crazy amounts of money. Somebody would write a check for $100,000.00. Somebody else would write a check for another amount and so on and so on. So why would I not pray for big if I can pray for small, pray for big as well. Do I believe? Yes I do. It was spoken that we would see things that we could not have possibly imagined and so I am believing this over our finances. I do feel as if this has been a major attack. All of this has come about within a couple weeks of these speakers and I do believe it is an attack and I want to make sure that I have all my weapons ready to fight back if necessary. I just need to know what weapons to use and where to get them. I dont want to sit back and watch the favor pass us over. So I am praying and fasting for financial breakthrough. I want to be able to share what God has done. That is why I am writing so much of this down because I want to be able to have it to say this is the way it was and this is the way it is now. Look what God has done in our lives. I dont want to keep it for myself. I truly do want to share . I want to be able to bless others. I want others to have hope and faith and belief in God and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is an amazing God and that he truly does care even about the small things. Now our finances might be small to him but they are huge to me. God knows that. I want to be able to more than enough to give away. Now the thought popped into my head. Why would he do that for you? Who are you? Why do you think you would be the lucky one to receive such a gift. There are others in the church that are much more closer to God than you. He hasn't done anything for this family or that family and they are much more religious than you and have much more of a closer relationship to God than you. If he as not done it for them why would he do it for you? Those are all lies from the enemy. I just needed to record these thoughts so people would know what was going through my mind at the time. That it is all real and true thoughts. Now the past three night Tommy and I have prayed together at my asking. That's o.k. I am believing that it will come when he wants to pray together. I'm very thankful that he agrees. So these past 3 nights we have prayed. He prayed the first night, the second night he said it was my turn and last night he said that it was his turn so Thank you God that he wanted his turn. His prophetic tape that was made spoke of faith. God was saying come to me I'm right here. Just come to me and ask. I will be there. Trust and have faith and so I am praying that this is going to be a time where God is going to do some major things in Tommy. I prayed for major things to be done while he was at vision quest and he did not really see anything or feel anything but I know work was being done and things were happening. So Tommy is coming and asking and I know that God is meeting him. I dont know how it's all going to work out but I know that it is going to because God has spoken those words. Now I know that you need to use discernment when it comes to prophetic words and all I can do is pray that God will weed out all the words that were not of him and put it on my heart and Tommy's the words that are from him. There were also words by both speakers about the prodigal coming home and being completely changed and in love with God more than ever. You just need to pray for her. Now of course this is something that I would want to hear and I have prayed off and on about the situation with our oldest daughter but not as much as I should or could because of the way things have been between us. There has been so much hurt and distrust and anger that it is really hard for me to relate to her. But I want so badly for her to come back to God. I always expected so much from her and really thought she would make something of herself and always wanted to best and she has completely done the very opposite of what I have wanted or hoped for. This is a major long story and has gone one for close to a year. She's been out of the house for that long and is living with her boyfriend and his mom. Off and on she would call and say she wants to come home but than it would be dropped and we would not hear anything else about it. Today she happens to call and wants me to come pick her up. She wants to get all her things and come home. Now I am having a really hard time with this because, yes I do want her to come back and this is what I am praying for maybe not necessarily back at our house but come back to God and get her act together. So here she calls and these words have been spoken. What do I do. I dont want to say no to something that I have been praying for. But we also need to be smart and careful because of how she has been in the past. So right now she is at our house. She just showed up and Tommy is on his way back home from working out and he sounds quite aggravated at the whole situation. So right now God I want to come and pray that you would be with Tommy and give him wisdom and discernment in regards to this whole situation. I pray that you would give Tommy the right words to say to her and that the words would speak to our daughter and not just go in one ear and out the other. I pray for a breakthrough is this area as well. Today started of fasting and praying for a breakthrough in our finances but God I am praying for that in this situation. I pray that you would work out all the details and that your will would be done. I pray that you would bless there time together. I pray for truth to be spoken and I pray for life. I thank you God that our other daughter is not home from school yet so he has time to speak with her with nobody else being there. God please come. Please, please, please be there right now with them. I pray for your presence to fill that household and that any attacks or things that the enemy wants to throw at us will be completely blocked by God and that the only presence in that house would be the presence of God. I give it to you right now Lord and say God we need you now!!!! Please let your presence be known. I put my whole trust in you God. I pray that this will work out according to your plans and not anybody elses. Let your will be done not the enemy's. I pray the blood of Jesus over that house right now. Let your angels be there. I receive all the prayers that were prayed the other night at home group and I ask God that your hand be wrapped around us. This could be a turning point right now God and so I want it to be completely in your hands. So God come. I cry out to you right now and say come Holy Spirit Come. In the name of Jesus I say come and be with my husband and daughter right now. I pray for deliverance, I pray for truth, I pray for a breakthrough. I pray for healing, I pray for restoration, I pray that all bondages would be broken. I pray that any spirits that are not of God to get out and be gone in the name of Jesus. I pray for lies to be broken, I pray for barriers to come crashing down. I pray for revelation. I pray for common sense, I pray for realistic behavior, I pray and declare that any mental illnesses that are there to get out and be gone in the name of Jesus Christ. I pray for peace. I pray for help. I pray for ones to come and surround her that love you God. I pray for a job for her. I pray for the desire to want to make things right and to want to make something of herself. I pray for friends that would be good accountability partners with her. I pray for support for her. I pray for Godly people to surround her and cover her. I pray for her future husband. I pray that you would put people in her path that you know she needs. I give all of this to you right now and say come Holy Spirit. Come, Come, Come. We need you. You are the only way. You are hope, truth, life, forgiveness, healing and restoration. I have prayed for this family and for Tommy and for each of us and dig in even more and say Come!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!